Ep 15: Body Modification

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Rachel: “My friend just got a boob job and she looks so beautiful. I’m inspired. I’m going to get a rose done on my shoulder using scarification tomorrow!”

Kayla: “You do know some body modification is idolized…like boob jobs, nose jobs and tummy tucks, while other body modification has a stigma attached to it like piercings, tattoos and scarification.!?

Rachel: “But why? What’s the difference?”

Music Intro

Hey everyone, my name is Kayla!

And this is Rachel with Dating Hypothesis, thank you so much for joining us today!

Today we are talking about body modification and beauty standards. Who sets that standard? And what does it “do to us” as individuals and as partners in romantic relationships?

It is all about letting men sexualize us, from deep african neck stretching to hollywood’s tummy tucks.

Um…I am pretty sure it is all about women sexualizing men from incredible hulk muscles to metrosexual clothing styles.

Add “Two Beats”

*Begin the conversation: Is there a culture on this planet “where men do not dictate the beauty standards of women”?

Which culture has no external based beauty standard?

If the blind community can mate and have successful relationships without having to be a certain size, shape, age…why can’t I just be myself? Why is the sighted community such assholes about the way our flesh packaging has to look?

Let’s begin with what men are attracted to.

Anime, comic book drawn women, and porn…hypersexualizes their female characters. They get drawn more nude than clothed with cleavage for miles. Why?

Does it help “flesh” out their character?

Flesh out the character? 

Lol. It certainly doesn’t add to character “development”. No matter what I say it sounds perverted! Lol.

Does over sexualization add to the plotline, make more money, or just get guys off? -Women are drawn that way because it makes eight times the sales.-

Comic books, porn, and girly magazines all use women with a certain hip-to-waist ratio. That ratio has negative stereotype connotations about a woman’s cognitive ability. Why? Is it important for sexualized women to be dumb so men don’t have to think about what is going through her mind while he treats her like a cum rag? I have that hourglass figure. I started developing it at the age of 13. People started treating me like I was stupid as soon as my waist was smaller than my boobs.

There was a guy back in high school, who was hot AF! Like, he could have anyone he wanted. People assumed he was dumb. You know the stereotype. Dumb ass jock. He wasn’t though. Dude was smart as a whip. Something in our societal mindset puts people in a box: “you’re dumb as a box of rocks if you are pretty or handsome. Like what the fuck, the genetics are not mutually exclusive there folx.

As a child, I hated the sexual attention, but I was also grateful I wasn’t ugly. I got to skate through life on my looks. Beauty privilege is real.

Let’s face it…when men want “you to fuck them” they are willing to spend money on you.

There are hot guys who depend on a similar thing. I knew guys who would use their good looks to get the smart girls to do their homework in school. Guys could get away with certain behaviors because they were handsome. Something, if a not so handsome guy said, women would be repulsed. The Resting Bitch Face applies here as well. If a hot guy looks angry or “smoldering” its considered sexy, but women get told to “smile” if they don’t look like a happy fucking tampon comercial.

Being beautiful has its downside. The worst thing about being beautiful is all the sexual assaults. That sucks. Walking through a crowded concert is like being the main attraction in a petting zoo.

People will straight up grab you while you are walking through a crowd?

Yes, I like to call it “a molest-a-fest”. I am glad I am not ugly but being beautiful sucks in its own way. There are days I want to low-profile-it. I hate being attractive. I wear baggy clothes and don’t brush my hair.

More than once I have been “wolf whistled” or groped at a dance. At a standing room only concert I was stuck with a Horny Harry attempting to get a little bump and grind action. At a fucking COUNTRY CONCERT. Do I have curves? Yes! Am I “thicc” as some say. That doesn’t mean I am looking for action walking down the street you twonk. I didn’t put this body on this morning, for you to grab at will.

Some men behave like I put my breasts in their eyeballs on purpose. Just because I was born with big tits does not mean I am putting them in your eyeballs. They are just big. Naturally. I didn’t grow them for you as you walked towards me.

Insta boobs!????

What is it about society, and why do we pressure each other? Why does the word “ugly” even pertain to physical attributes? “Ugly” should define negative social behavior towards another person. I’ve seen people have ugly behavior towards other people.

Thinking a person’s physical body is ugly is an ugly thought to have. It points out one of the many ways our society is sick. I wonder why no one else sees this. I wonder why it is encouraged?

I have known two women in my lifetime that were incredibly beautiful. Both these women hated their nose. One was 13 years old. This was 20 years ago. She was 13! She was so beautiful. It broke my heart listening to her talk about her face like that. My other friend who hates her nose was 21 and this was last year. She wants to get a nose job. She stares in the mirror for hours wishing she had the money to get it fixed. She searches for boyfriends that might be able to afford the fix for her. The sick thing is…she is beautiful. There is nothing wrong with her nose. But, she uses makeup to hide her “flawed” nose.

I would love to hear any male listeners’ opinions on the expense of beauty products and how it affects their relationship! When we are teenagers we get cheap makeup but the older we get the more we spend. Hell, concealer can cost $40 a bottle. I spend around (xxx) a year on makeup. But if we are saving up for a big purchase I get the cheapest makeup I can find. It would suck to be in a relationship with someone spending all our income on beauty products.

She uses make-up as a cheap alternative to body modification. She paints her nose thinner, eyes bigger, cheeks hallower. Most women do; even after they get plastic surgery…like, when is it enough? When will we be pretty enough?

I know two people that get regular botox injections and have boob alterations. The attitude going into a procedure has this underlying tone to it. It’s very determined. Like they are proving something to somebody. They are both cocky and insecure simultaneously. Before a procedure they give off this sense of being able to afford it, so almost an air of wealth. They go into a procedure with a sense of maintenance. They know they are not pretty enough so they are fixing themselves. They are taking measures to make themselves good enough for society, their partner, and themselves.  Which means they are also radiating a brokenness, a feeling of being ugly and deficient. They are proud they can afford it. They are arrogant that they are getting it and it shows just a tinge in the way they speak as if they know everyone is jealous. And afterwards they radiate this relief and justification. You can watch it cut deeper and deeper into their soul every time they get something done. “There is this hidden dread waiting for the compliments”. Compliments they want but when people show approval of the procedure what does that mean? Did they really look that bad before? Do they really look that much better after? If a friend or family member says “you don’t need it” does that person just lack taste? Or are they jealous? Because It’s normal for women to get jealous. And every procedure locks in the need for the next one. Because if all this is true then how screwed are they if they stop getting the procedures?

I’d love a little lipo, a tummy tuck, hell after having an over nine pound baby I could slap someone with my belly sag. And when an event comes up or the second i have to look “good” the first thing on my mind is how can I tuck this mummy tummy in. My second thought goes to my “alternative decorations”. How are folks around me going to view my ink and piercings? So would I get beauty procedures? Hell yes, but not if I have to pay for them because that cost would cut into my tattoo budget. As an “au natural” even after two kids I fucking love my tattoos and piercings.

I know, right! My body isn’t “all that” anymore but I would spend on a tattoo before cosmetic stuff.

People getting alternative lifestyle modifications are enhancing themselves in artistic ways that are sentimental to them, it seems to boost their confidence and increase their pride.

I have noticed that as well. A very different vibe than people getting procedures done. When friends or family get ready for a piercing, tattoo, or scarification they are excited. They spent a week or years thinking about location, color, size, and even letting friends collaborate in the artistic design of it.

My body art has meaning.

Yeah, body art tends to be deeply meaningful. But what does cosmetic surgery mean?

It’s just you know, these lips “They’re…they are just so meaningful”.

Alternative body art had nothing to do with making ourselves more sexually attractive to the male community at large. It’s about expressing ourselves.

Is cosmetic surgery attractive? I have seen those photos of hollywood celebrities that look gastly after dozens of surgeries. It is not always a benefit. Sometimes a person is more beautiful before and surgeries just make it worse.

Agreed! In Arizona 20 years ago my friends and I went dancing at our favorite bar. That night they were having a wet t-shirt contest. The owner of the bar had a walking build-a-barbie. Everyone knew build-a-barbie would win. It was a given. The contest was starting and the girls were lined up. I was in the corner talking with people when I hear the crowd go particularly crazy over the girl they were voting on. I look up expecting to see build-a-bear. On stage is this 13 year old who snuck into the bar with her fake i.d. This kid had no boobs. She was flat chested, had a flat butt, thin body. But she was bouncing around stage so freaking juberant. The crowd was clearly not sexualizing their cheers. They genuinely liked this kid’s personality. She was fun and having a time of her life kicking it on stage. So the owner starts getting pissed. When he lords over each girl to get the crowd to cheer and vote you can see it in his eyes that he is paying attention to you when you vote. Ha Ha but when it got down to joyful giddy teen and proud, snooty, entitled bitch, guess who won? Pissed off the owner’s girlfriend. Pissed off the Bar Owner. She was raging backstage for a half an hour. We forget how just being happy is beautiful. Because neither one of them was sexy. But one of them was beautiful.

Natural beauty is fine when you are 13. But age kind of kills our looks. What procedures would you get done?

I have the saggy mom boobs from nursing so I would get a boob lift, botox for wrinkles, and liposuction for the wings under my underarms…but only if I had a lot more money lying around. Certainly not when my finances are sketchy.

I think cosmetic surgery negatively affects relationships when a person begins to look so different their mate finds them unattractive. Or imagine your girlfriend coming home with lips all sprouted out and she wants you to kiss them and you’re like, mmmmm yeah, let’s suck on that filler. I don’t know if I could get into it sexually. But I guess men really are really that visual? They care more about how she looks than how her flesh feels in their hands or on their lips?

What about when a partner overspends on surgery?

If you have a dream to own a house together and a partner is constantly spending on their face…is that damaging to the relationship?

Does your husband mind you spending money on your tattoos?

I love my piercings. At one point I had my belly button done along with 7 different ear piercings. I like them, they make me feel confident and strong. For some people they symbolize moments in their life. And I love my tattoos. I am a huge Harry Potter fan and the Tattoos I have are both Harry Potter related. The one on my shoulder blade has special meaning though, it says, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good”, and I got that at the start of my husband and I trying to have kids, when we decide our family is complete our kids names will go under it with the words mischief managed.

Most of my art has no meaning. I wanted swirls to accent my curves. There was no drawing. I told the artists to stay in specific areas and follow my body’s curves. But I do have ten peoples’ names on my body. They are the people I have loved most in life that I know loved me back in some capacity.

And you have scarification, right?

No, that is white ink. It gets me the most negative feedback. People think it is scarification. I have gotten some really nasty comments from men after a date when I don’t want to have sex with them. One man actually said “It’s not like you have a lot of prospects with the self-cutting cover-up”. Why would you want to date someone you believe has mental issues? I swear there is a subset of society attracted to women with self esteem issues. The predatory type. I have people that won’t believe it is white ink until they touch it and see it is flat and not raised.

It’s funny how some people only date people with tattoos or alternative body art, some people are specifically drawn to others that have body art similar to their own.

Some,  maybe it’s like a low key fetish? For others they are trying to find their own kind? I get bothered by men that seek out trauma victims or survivors so they can prey on them. Maybe that’s my issue with cosmetic surgery? Society inflicts beauty standards to lower our self esteem until we internalize victim mentality and are more easily manipulated?

Abusers use past traumas to get inside the mind of the victim. It is possible men who encourage plastic surgery are creating a victim mentality when they say things like “I want you to look so perfect with your tiny curves and perfect nose” implying you are not perfect. 

You have tiny feet. I know someone with a foot fetish. They would love your feet.

In fourth grade I learned about foot binding. During my childhood I overheard conversations of men talking rudely about women with big feet and I decided to foot bind myself. But not by folding my feet. Just by wearing the same shoes for three years. I just kept wearing my shoes only taking them off in the bathtub and putting them right back on. I slept in them. It was painful. Sometimes when I took them off for a minutes I swear I could feel my bones trying to stretch out and I would cram them back on. Not one person noticed for three years until I went in for my annual doctor’s checkup. She told my mom to take me to a foot doctor. He told my mom my shoes were too small and she should make sure I had the appropriate size every year. So that ruined that. She got me a pair two sizes too big so she could ignore me for a few more years. Those lasted till till I moved out and I made sure any shoes after that were the same size. 6. So my feet would not get larger than a size 6.

Foot binding is a historical ritual women in China did to each other starting when a girls is 3 up to 7 years old. Toes were broken and folded under and the foot was wrapped. The goal was for the foot to be six inches long and twice as tall, (since half their foot was folded underneath). This was considered highly erotic.

Foot binding was crippling. Strangely, it improved a daughter’s chances of attracting a husband.

There are so many ways to modify the human body. Did you know babies will get a flat spot on the back of their heads if you never take them out of the crib? I’ve seen it. It’s repulsive and so neglectful.

***Kayla’s hip curves, squats, for her hips and booty for pink dance up the stairs 

You have a small waist. Did you bind that too?

Ha ha. Yes. I did. I worked at Renaissance Festivals starting when I was 13. I did not know about corset training. By the time I was 30 I had a perfect hourglass figure from wearing corsets for ten hours a day all weekend.

Women in the Victorian era were essentially tiny waisted figurines unable to work, stand for very long, climb stairs, or ride horses. When you wear a corset long term your internal organs shift permanently. It’s easy to view a gender as weak when they faint from exertion. We replaced the corset with cosmetic surgery. We are still changing our bodies using painful “remedies”, to please men.

We are most pleasing when we are crippled

People will ask if waist training is dangerous. “if you are the type of person who doesn’t listen to your own body. Then you are a danger to yourself no matter what you do. SO, If you have that personality type, I am unwilling to offer you any sort of advice”. You get none from me at all. Sorry.

For everyone else, waist training is not dangerous. Just be smart about it and don’t hurt yourself.

Can you imagine raising kids while you are trapped  in a corset?

That must be why they had nannies!

Have you ever had piercings? How did it affect your relationships?

I used to have tongue, nose, belly button, and ear piercings. My belly button piercing grew out and I have a miniature scar from it. My body just rejected it. My hair would wind around the nose piercing and pull, when I was sleeping. It hurt like a bitch. So I took that one out. I eventually took out my tongue piercing.

Did getting your tongue piercing hurt?

My tongue swelled up after I got it pierced because I grind my teeth in my sleep which I found out after I got the piercing. I was living in Colorado at the time in this tiny little town called Larkspur. I woke up in the morning and needed to go to the Post office for a stamp. On the walk there I realized how sore my tongue was and was thinking about how to ease the pain and reduce the swelling. I get to the post office and the sweetest little old lady was there to help. I started to ask for a stamp but what came out was:

“Oie ned tho boy a shtamp”. She gets this look on her face. I could tell she was hesitant about something but I thought “the only thing people need in this place are stamps, she will figure out pretty quick what I need.” So I ask again. “Oie ned tho boy a shtamp”. She is confused and says “Aw sweetie, how can I help you? What do you need?” But she’s talking to me like I have a mental disability and I shouldn’t be there by myself. Like I was lost or something. She clearly isn’t thinking I must be there for something post office related. So I get angry and start spitting out “Oie am note a wetard!!! I ned a shtamp!”

It was the worst feeling thinking she pitied me for being less than normal. It was a very strange feeling to be treated that way. It changed the way I treat people no matter what they sound or look like.

I noticed you are comfortable making jokes using the word retard. Is that okay in today’s society?

I know it isn’t. The story happened that way and I said it under those circumstances. It changed my perspective on how I treat people. Inclusion and diversity is a real thing. We need to ask ourselves “What do they see and hear that I don’t”. Every perspective is valid and has value. When we can see the entire picture, the world will be whole and even science will improve. 

You don’t have to have the same outlook to have a valid observation of the universe.

The things people will assume just because you have piercing

That would be how piercings affected my relationships. Other people’s judgments of me. I got a whole new perspective of society, men, and people in general when I decked out all alternativy. I was born and grew up a glowing white angel. The only words I heard was how pretty I was and that changed into how sexy I was. I didn’t know anything else. Piercings and tattoos changed that for me. For the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to cause repulsion in someone. It was mind altering to feel that from people.

Did your babies ever grab your piercings?

Yes!…Did anyone assume you were a lesbian while your tongue was pierced? 

Yes! That is a thing. Several men assumed. I didn’t try to convince those creepers otherwise.

So far, you’ve done it all, what about Goth attire?

Not goth per se. I definitely spent years hiding my body under giant clothes like baggy sweatshirts. I owned goth boots, had piercings, had blue hair color but I never identified as goth. At one point I only owned goth foot attire though.

What about you Kayla? Did you ever goth out?

***Talk about what emo means. How did it feel? Judgmental looks. Problem child.

At one point in my life I spent all my money on goth boots and it was the only thing I had to wear. My sister got married that same year. To this day she thinks I did it on purpose. But if she had offered to purchase me pink ballet slippers I would have worn them!!! I was just broke. It’s okay to ask if you can purchase shoes for the overall look of things if you truly care how a relative dresses for your special occasion.

Who starts clothing stereotypes? Where do trends come from?

I will tell you where. When my son was nine year old he had this pair of Boy scout pants that could unzip into shorts. There was a morning I kept nagging him to get ready for school so I could walk him there on time. He could only find one leg of these pants. There reached a point where I was like “fine, wear your one legged pants to school…I don’t care!” We are walking to school passing the bus stop that the high school kids wait at for their bus. There was the same kids there waiting every day. One particular girl was alternative. She had the hair and clothes that were different than everyone else. She sees my kid and is snickering to herself but also can’t stop following us with her eyes. The next day!!! I kid you not! This girl has on a black pair of jeans with one leg cut off into shorts. I almost died. I bet her mom had a fit when she realized her daughter cut off a leg of her jeans to wear to school.

Do you find tattoos attractive? Do you have cosmetic surgery? How many piercings do you have? Would you find your partner more attractive if they did waist training? What is your favorite body part? What surgery would you get if it was free? Write to us on facebook, twitter, or Instagram.

– Let’s take a quick Commercial break, we will be right back. (wait 3 seconds) And we are back.

Add “Two Beats”

**Resume Conversation

How many of our listeners were told they were beautiful as children and then repeatedly molested? What do children learn from that lesson? I have heard too many people ask “why do you want to go and do that to yourself? It’s so unattractive.” Well, yeah!!! When being pretty is the other alternative, yeah, I kind of want to be ugly here!!!

The science community wanted to know how many people with body art were abused as children. The numbers are high. And why wouldn’t they be? When you are beautiful they are perverted to you, and destroy your mind! What is better? To be ugly or beautiful?

***Kayla- ugly duckling syndrome

I was tired of being molested, cat called, and groped by entitled jerks. I became something society wrinkled their nose at.

***Kayla From bullying to being wanted.

I started with a nose piercing and blue hair. Things that were easy to remove if I didn’t like being ugly.

Did anyone treat you differently?

You know they did! Don’t you? Yeah, they did. I was frowned upon. It was such a relief. To know there was a way to stop the magnetic attraction of abusers felt great.

I pierced my tongue and belly button. I developed strength and confidence in myself. The uglier I was to society the more I loved myself and the more safe I felt. I gained confidence. I became powerful.

And the stronger I got, I started removing the temporary modifications. My hair is naturally blond again. My piercings are all removed. I cover most of my tattoos with the clothes I wear. No one knows I have tattoos until I want them to know.

People have completely different reasons for getting body art.

People have completely different results from getting their art. It won’t protect you from assault.

It was not the tattoos that saved me. I saved myself. But the tattoos were a huge factor. I was no longer this pure white angel everyone wanted to own and defile. I needed the tattoos to learn about society. With tattoos I am now this sexualized white girl with an edge to be nutted on. Which is far less creepy, let me tell you. And a lot easier to disdain the men trying to take advantage. I love my tattoos. I found my power. Do what you need, to find your own inner strength.

Body modification is a beacon, alarm, and control tactic. It can invite molestation, deter sexual assault, or be a form of sexual assault.

Not all tattoos are wanted. We brand other humans for destructive hateful reasons. Concentration camps did this. We did this with slavery. Not everyone in prison wanted their prison tattoo. Not every gang member wanted their tattoos. Not every child around the world wanted their body modification: be it piercing, scarification, neck elongation, tattoo, or genital mutilation. Rites of passage are wonderful when people participate. When a modification is forced on an individual it is repugnant.

Society can dismiss the abuses of forced modification by “claiming individuals grow to like the modification”…?

Some religions require body modification while other religions forbid it. Each culture has its own beauty standards and rituals. Warriors are marked accordingly for the world to see where they fit into society.

Anyone getting body modification needs to be in the right mindset or it will hurt like hell. Usually just having your mind made up that you are going to do it, is sufficient enough to bare the pain easier.

It was easy for me to put myself in a mindset of always being in pain. As a girl you hear the moto “beauty is pain”. I took that literally and didn’t let it bother me. But if it is forced on you?…I don’t imagine getting into the mindset is very easy. My pain never induced rage, hate, or demoralization.

So, is it okay to pierce babies’ ears?

I pierced my son’s ear when he was six months old.

I have a random philosophical question: What separates “you” from them?

Me from who?

I mean anyone from anyone else? Tribes from other tribes? Obedient citizens from those who will not conform? The brave from the weak? What is the easiest way to show a human being their body is not their own?

Their body. Their skin. I am me inside my body, packaged in my skin.

Any marking, branding, symbol, or modification is a non-verbal message.

When a woman cuts off or alters her hair in a significant way the automatic assumption is she just got out of a serious and painful relationship.

Women wear engagement rings, men don’t. He only has to wear a ring after he signs his signature to the contract. All the subtle jabs to keep us in our place.

Skin is social, in many cultures. skin does not always belong to an individual. In tribes it can be a given that you will get decorated as the years go by and ritual calls for it.

Cultural identity starts with the way we look. Take freckles for instance.

Freckles are natural. Not a modification.

But it lets others know your ancestry. Most red heads do not appreciate the stereotype of their coloring. Shy, nervous girls hate it when men approach them, treating them like they should be aggressive savages in the sheets.

Skin color, hair texture, circumcision, biker tattoos, fake boobs all convey community, rank, privilege, and wealth. And we know this. Society rewards all the good little girls lining up to get unnecessary procedures done because they are obediently trying to look like pretty little girls.

Girls with fake noses are good girls. Girls with tattoos are bad girls. And all the stereotyping in between.

To me it feels like one lines up for pain that puts them in chains and the other lines up for pain that sets them free.

What about body modification in the entertainment business? Acrobatic training in China starts at five. The shaping and morphing of their bodies is a body modification. Migrant working parents might drop their kids off at an acrobat school hoping the kid has a better life. Divorced parents might feel it gives the kids a chance. Troupe leaders see themselves as a free home for children who have sketchy futures due to their home environment or lack of. These troupes are becoming controversial in China because of the lives these kids end up having. Retired acrobats say the troupes they came from were exploitative, working them long hours with little pay, using old or dangerous equipment that would break causing injuries. They talk about having been beaten and emotionally abused. Not being able to attend school.

Acrobatic troupes are not much different than dance troupes or gymnasts. Some prefer the financial opportunities compared to the lives their parents have, while others just feel used and abused. It’s not just that we are telling these kids they are only valuable as entertainment commodities…they literally have no value outside the entertainment industry. Just like their parents have no value outside of migrant work.

There is only so much wealth to go around.

Patricia Collins points out the duality of body modification. She notes its ability to oppress a gender, race, or class of people, while simultaneously allowing other groups of people using it to… resist oppression.

Entire cultures can declare a body modification fundamental or inherent to their culture.

Where should the line be drawn? Ear piercing for infants, foot binding, acrobats, corset binding? Is it okay for an entire society to brainwash children into believing a certain shape and size are the correct proportions for a woman to have and if they don’t have it they “may” opt to spend absorbent amounts of money to alter their bodies with painful surgery to get that size and shape? Why is it so important for Americans’ fresh young adults to get surgery on their noses, mouths, foreheads, eyes, cheeks, necks, upper arms, tummies, thighs, tits and asses?

All to attract the attention of the powerful men in our society.

If they were that powerful wouldn’t they use that power for good and declare all the women of their society beautiful?

I have this inherent belief (despite all the abuse I have endured by the hands of men) “that men should protect their women”. So why is abuse so widespread? Why is this domination so important?

Is a quick nut every 24 hours really…that all consuming… for there to be this need for so many forms of abuse? Mental, self image, physical, emotional, sexual…it goes on and on. Why must we prance and dance for their lame fake short attention spans? We cause actual self harm just so they will want to cum on our faces. That is not love, my friends. That is not love.

We haven’t brought up body hair yet. Is modifying your hair a form of body modification? 

The women out there who deal with white-women beauty standards might have a few things to say about that.

So, yes?

When I was in beauty school the latinas would wax their arms because they hated their thick dark arm hair. I was a little traumatized realizing these women would spend their entire lives waxing their arms, legs, hooches, lips, cheeks, and backs. I am so lucky in this society to have blond hair. I love not having to dye my hair to keep it blond. It is just blond. I love not having to wax my little mustache. It takes me 2 seconds each morning to shave it off and 3 days to grow back and even when it grows back it isn’t noticeable. It is easy to pluck the 15 beard hairs that grow on my chin. Hell, I am not even sure anyone would notice if I didn’t shave my legs, my leg hair is so light, thin, and see through.

***Kayla on body hair- hirsutism hair removal-6thgrade stache

When my brother asked me if I wanted to hold his baby I told him to wax his newborn. That thing was so hairy. Dark thick hairs on the face and back. I had never seen such a thing on a baby before. It freaked me out. The women in his family use skin lightener products. I know why but I really don’t understand it. Why do we allow the media to tell us this is necessary? Why do we listen? Why do fully grown adult women fall for this and let their daughters see, hear, and believe it?

Our society is sick.

My last marriage was to a “Hernandez”. For the first time in my life I experienced discrimination…due to a name. Me, a beautiful all american white girl suddenly could not procure a job. Under the name Hernandez I was consistently offered less per hour or simply not called for an interview. Once I figured out what was going on I started submitting two resumes. One under my maiden name and one under my married name. I would get job offers under my maiden name. When I applied for jobs offering $30 per hour under Hernandez there were no interviews. None.

Sure, I could get job offers with the name Hernandez for $13 per hour. But not more.

The stress of discrimination affects relationships. All these little jabs tear at one’s self esteem, patience levels, and need for validation. These are not things we bring up when we are arguing about who should do the dishes tonight or when the last time we had sex was.

One discrimination I have never been subject to is what someone transitioning has to go through.

***Kayla on transitioning: 

How does making the transition and transgender body modification affect relationships?

The European Network for the Investigation of Gender Incongruence is the largest study of transgender people in the world.

This can shed the very light on the differences between sexes. All we have to do is listen to the details of people going through this during these changes. These are walking data systems able to speak about gender differences.

Transitioning literally can help us understand what it means to be male or female. These individuals feel the differences first hand.

I have been told men and women have the same brains.

And that is not true. One article states “men and women use different parts of their brains to rotate objects in their minds”. Which means…when Kreukels’ group scanned the brains of a group of 21 transgender boys who had recently begun testosterone treatment, they found that their brains looked more like those of cisgender boys”.

I read in an article that said “Brain scans indicate pre-op transgenders are one sex…but their body is another sex. Female brains have estrogen receptor pathways. This receptor pathway helps show the incongruence between a person’s internal gender and their external sex. They are experiencing dysphoria because the gender they feel on the inside does not match their external sex.”

I would love to hear the very specific details of a woman transitioning to male. I want to know if it turned them into an asshole?

Rachel! Not okay!

But come on!!! Do they get aggressive? Do they get domineering? Do they get this entitled feeling to take what they want sexually? Do they grow predatory instincts?

– I want to ask our listeners what they think? If you have any insight to any of this, please tell us your stories. If you prefer Tic Tok or Youtube we have both.

– We are going to take a Commercial break, we will be right back. (wait 3 seconds) And we are back.

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***Close the conversation

Before we finish up this conversation on how body modification affects relationships I want to speak about mental modification. My ex needs a specific set of circumstances to have his romantic life function in his favor.

He spends two months grooming someone to love him. The moment she professes her love he starts grooming the second woman. The second woman is groomed specifically to be the unknown side hoe. He balances this just so to make sure the second woman yearns for his attention, is waiting at his beck-and-call, and believes his mental medical needs are of utmost importance and come before any of her needs.

The second woman is only allowed over to his apartment one night per week. His excuses are his kids, work, and his delicate mental state. He admits in the first few dates that he is an alcoholic, schizoid, and takes medications for anxiety and depression. Once she knows her place and is pining for more he can drop stop pretending to love the first woman who believes she is his girlfriend also. He finally can be himself. 

Cold, distant, controlling, when he once had time, energy, and devotion, he is now tired, busy, and wondering why she is a nagger. It is important she knows she is being a naggy whiner.

This is when he is functionally happy. 

His back up woman gives him the confidence to treat his main woman like shit. He can dead eye her with the attitude “my way or the highway” because there is a side hoe waiting desperately for his attention wanting to be his girlfriend.

It is at this moment when the next two years go exactly as planned for him. Both women compete for his breadcrumbs. He has passionate pussy waiting in two places. When one tries to assert her place in the relationship he can give her time to think while letting the other woman in for a taste of a heaping help of breadcrumbs that feels like an actual relationship. He plays them both for years. If at any moment one shows signs of exiting for real he starts grooming her replacement. I have seen this man successfully juggle three women if one is exiting and one is brand new.

Today’s episode speaks to the undertow of “what they will do to us” by wanting us to get plastic surgery and botox, corset training or footbinding, genital mutilation or face scarification. “They” are willing to cut up our bodies head to toe so we are easier on the eyes and cause a sexually excited boner. But it goes deeper than that doesn’t it?

Yeah, “they” do this in a way that is so deeply rooted into our psyche that “we” do this to ourselves willingly.

Our dating advice for today? You’re all fucked in the head and there is no help for you. Have a nice day.

This is the point in our episodes we share audience stories, suggestions, and feedback. Here is what some of you have shared with us on social media.

I would like to introduce next week’s episode. Episode 16 What is sex?

You are so weird. There is no way we can talk about “What is sex” for an entire hour. I can tell you what sex is in one one hand gesture I learned in third grade.

Ah, you underestimate my twisted little mind, don’t you. We will talk about what the definition of what sex is for an entire hour and you will be upset, flabbergasted, insulted, and intrigued all in the same hour.

I believe you. Alright, next week…what is sex?

I would like to ask our listeners to submit their ideas/stories/and questions pertaining to next week’s topic. You can email us. Or, join our patreon. We want to hear from you.

Thank you so much everyone for listening.

We love you. See you next week on Dating Hypothesis!!!

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