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Kayla: I hate you so much

Rachel: “Are you talking about the observer effect? The misinterpretation that the conscious mind affects whether a particle or wave shows up in an experiment? Because the measuring device does not need to be conscious.

Kayla: No, I am talking about the fact that two weeks ago you were complaining about breaking up with both your sugar daddies and today you show me a photo of the brand new car your sugar daddy just bought you so you would stay in a relationship with him.

Rachel: Why would that make you so mad?

Kayla: You are a sociopath.

Rachel: You make that sound like a bad thing.

Kayla: It is!!! You lie, manipulate, and cheat on everyone…how is it you get rewarded with a freaking car?

Rachel: By being a sociopath. I mean, it’s kinda par for the course.

Kayla: I am going to spend this year teaching you how to be a nice person.

Rachel: Why??? So I can be broke and poor?

Kayla: No, so you can be a nice person.

Rachel: I don’t want to be a nice person. I want a new car.

Music Intro
Hey everyone, my name is Kayla
And this is Rachel with Dating Hypothesis, thank you so much for joining us today!

Add “Two Beats”
*Begin conversation
According to quantum mechanics, using a device to measure light or matter (like electrons), determines whether a wave or particle manifests. Light and matter both behave as a particle and a wave, and the device used to detect as much, determines which shows up.
So a conscious observer doesn’t change it from one to the other?

No

What is the difference between perception, intention, perspective, and deduction?
And why is it important to a relationship?

Once upon a time, a boy found a smut magazine. He was so excited to use the photos. But the only place he could get any privacy was in the shower. A shower tends to destroy photos. So, every morning he found his favorite photo and cut out just enough to use in the shower. Shower walls are wet, so it was easy to slap the photo up on the wall and by the time he was done it was destroyed. He balled it up and threw it away. The magazine got thinner and thinner over the month. Soon, the only thing left was a tattered magazine with all the women missing and just the dudes remaining. He didn’t have anywhere to throw away the magazine so he hid it. When his dad came across the magazine he perceived a tattered book of dudes. He saw the women were cut out and missing. He did not know the intention behind the cut out women. The tattered men had not been thrown away. So, it seemed like the magazine was being used because of the men or it would have been tossed and Dad would have found a pile of cut out women. Why keep the dudes? Why not cut out the dudes and throw them away, keeping the women? Where were the women? The Dad had to use his own life history and perspective to deduce what was up. Since he wasn’t willing to have a conversation with his son, he mistakenly assumed the boy was gay.

Do we need scientific proof each human has a unique perspective given their variables? No. And yet, we go through our day as if everyone around us thinks and feels the same way we do.

Emotions are a chemically universal concept.

I have a theory.

Oh here we go…What is your theory?

The chemicals in our bodies change our shape, size, color, tone, energy levels, thoughts and feelings.

I was just diagnosed with ADHD but girl you bounce all over the place with these theories, ideas, and science articles. How are you going to weave this tidbit into the episode.

I’m not. I just had that thought.

I see.

“Intention versus Perception” is a coaching technique used to test the way leaders believe they come across versus how they are perceived. Who does the burden fall on to get an intention across? The person with the intention or the person perceiving?

And what if those intentions are nefarious? Like, if a man intends on manipulating you into compliance while he cheats on you and uses you to take care of him…

…is it his job to make sure you understand his true intentions or is it your job to correctly interpret the data he is streaming and see past his deception?

Which of your behaviors triggers a reward from him, versus punishment from him? If I am happy and feeling empowered and my partner cuts me down, gets aloof, cold, distant, has some “emergency” to refocus my attention onto them,…then it is my job to interpret that data correctly.

Instead of apologizing, regressing to fear, isolation, feeling shame, or jumping how high he wants, I should pack my bags and find my own apartment.

If you are letting someone condition you into being their scared sad little depressed domestic slave, then there is a disconnection going on there. Is that what you thought his intentions were for you? Is that what you wanted for yourself? Is that what you were seeking from him?

If you think he loves you and “you can change him back to who he was when you first met him” by backing down, not asking questions, not expressing yourself…you fell victim to the perception he gave you.

It was calculated behavior. Best foot forward when you meet someone new. It is your job to find out what their worst foot looks like before you fall in love or become attached to someone. That is what dating is. What it’s for. Spend enough time getting to know them (be wary of telling signals they give off, that offer vital clues about their true nature).

Don’t forget, women purposely mislead men. There are some women who use sex as a form of self harm. Some poor guy will think he got a girl’s attention and she’s already moved on before he can put the condom in the trash.

My favorite boyfriend has ADHD and he was self conscious about it because lots of people blame him for not paying attention or finishing something on time. But it was my favorite thing about him. Kayla, what is it like?

It is literally this bizarre level of paralysis. Most ADHD people actually are deep down perfectionists, but we get paralyzed by it. You can not get yourself to detach enough to do something because you want it to be perfect but you know it won’t be perfect but you need it to be perfect so instead you sit there, in a horrible mental cycle. “I am lazy because I didn’t do the thing, but I couldn’t do the thing because it wouldn’t be perfect, but I am a bad person because instead of just doing it, perfect or not, I google searched something dumb like, “Witchcraft basics” because it find the concepts mildly interesting, and had a fucking existential crisis instead of just doing the simple task!

We all ask questions in our head which we don’t share when we are figuring out our perspective of a particular perception. Maybe the world would be better if we asked those questions out loud? There is too much guessing happening or interpreting something wrong without verification. Too many people ignore their gut feelings, (choosing to trust someone’s words) when their actions are so much louder and giving them a bad gut feeling.

I like to text my boyfriend. He will text, then I will text, and the conversation is ongoing. I found out this isn’t actually true. One boyfriend pointed out that I only answer texts. For 6 months he built up resentment because I would not text him. I only answered his texts. I don’t see the difference. To me it is an ongoing conversation. But it was a big difference to him.

I admit, if I really like a guy I only text three times per day. Any more than that and I start getting turned off and annoyed. I thought my “good morning, good night, and lunch check-ins” were considered texting. But apparently it’s not.

Your intentions belong to you and you alone. Perceptions belong to those in receipt of your intentions. If that is how you like to text and that is all you can tolerate then he needs to deal with it.

He did. He broke up with me.

He did??? He should have taken a step back and looked at the whole picture. Did he even talk with you about it?

Yeah, He said “you never text me”. I said “I text you every day, show me your phone and I will show you my texts.” He realized I was never going to engage the way he needed so he left.

Perception is “taking in a situation”. You never texted your boyfriend out of the blue. He perceived it as neglectful and a lack of interest. Perspective is the interpretation of a situation – it’s personalizing your mental impression. From his point of view you were never going to text him, so you must not love him or care enough to text.

Kayla, I don’t want to talk to anybody in a text message. Do you know how horrible sitting there typing out each letter in a text is? It’s a freaking nightmare man. People should just call or meet in-person.

I am looking through our telegram history. The longest text from you is 5 sentences. Usually, you just record a voice message and send that. I am scrolling, scrolling, yep, your preference is 1 to 3 words.

And you know, I love you kayla!!!

Yes, I know you love me. Why don’t you just leave voice messages for him?

I don’t have a smartphone. Just a flip phone,

Yeah, you havin’ a flip phone is funnier than hell, you just cause your own problems there.

I can’t call him during the day. I’m in class. He’s at work. Besides, I leave really long messages. Look at the length of those voice messages I leave you. Mine tend to be eleven minutes, five minutes, three minutes. Your voice messages to me are 23 seconds, 12 seconds, all under a minute.

Yeah, I know what it feels like to be a recipient of your voice messages. They take up my entire lunch break. Good god woman. I see your dilemma. Perception is sensory input without thought. Once those surroundings have been processed, perspective is added. There is so much that goes into a person’s perspective. Like personal beliefs, biases, past experiences, and current preferences.

I am in college. I have early morning classes. The janitor cleans every night by propping open restroom doors. In order to be fast, efficient, and to let the rooms dry and air out, they leave them propped open, when they’re done.

My first semester at college I un-propped each restroom as I entered it. As the semester progressed I started getting really annoyed at un-propping restroom doors. I was having to do this all day. Not just in the morning. Every building, every restroom. It started pissing me off. So one day, I walked building-to-building, restroom-to-restroom,

Of course you did. I forget you have obsessive traits. Lol. Omg Rachel.

Yeah, but get this Kayla. None of the boy’s restrooms were propped open after 8am. Wanna know why?

Why?

Because all men un-prop the door as they enter so that by 8am all the doors are closed. I realized that day, that women are so used to being violated, oppressed, not questioning their surroundings, being treated unfairly, and conditioned to obey, that they literally leave a propped restroom door propped open. This phenomenon occurs across campus. In every building. I bet “the men” think women are dumb. “I” think the women are dumb! Why am I the only woman closing these doors when I enter them? Do you know the faculty have their offices in separate areas…the women there un-prop their restroom doors in the morning.

Perspective relies heavily on internal thought. Perspective is our opinion on what we just perceived.

So you perceived the doors to the women’s restrooms, open, all day long, and women not shutting them. But you don’t really know why the women weren’t shutting them.

Your perspective on the topic comes from being a woman yourself and watching men close their doors right away in the morning.

You assign meaning to this but, we don’t get to dictate other people’s point of view. So in order to know why each woman doesn’t close the door you would need to stand outside each door all day long and ask each woman individually. And, same for the men’s restrooms (asking them why they were closing the door when it was clearly propped open).

When a disagreement occurs you can find out what the other person saw or heard. Then you can try adjusting yours or their perspective.

Let’s put a story behind what you just said. I had an “on again/off again” dating experience with one of my exes. We were constantly breaking up. So it was no surprise to me when he texted and asked me “how I was doing” one night. I jumped in my car , drove to his house because it had been a month since we broke up and I wanted to be in his arms. I didn’t bother texting him back. Both he and I don’t lock our doors to our apartments. His door was open, I went in expecting him to be there. I started snooping around since I was bored and didn’t know how long he would be gone. I knew his routine and knew he was probably on his way home from tennis. I saw a card on the kitchen counter and read it. It was from his current girlfriend. She was love struck and waxing poetry to him in the card. I was stunned. The card was dated three days prior. That motherfucker was at her house texting me. I went upstairs to see if she “had a drawer” yet. I riffled through his dresser till I found it. Underwear, toiletries, a hairbrush. I stood there absorbing my feelings.

Which is never a good thing!!! You are a sociopath. What did you do Rachel?

I took off my underwear and placed them on top of hers.

Holy shit. You did what? That is not a normal or HEALTHY response hun.

I did. And then I left. I responded to his text on my way home. I asked him if his girlfriend would appreciate him texting me while he was at her house. I told him to focus on her or I would tell her exactly what type of person he was.

So this woman perceived another woman’s underwear in her drawer. A drawer in her boyfriend’s bedroom. It would be impossible not to put your own perspective onto that particular perception. There are only a few thoughts that would go through a woman’s mind at that point. At that point, it’s natural to deduce instead of asking what is going on. Her perception of him, up to that point, included his and her intentions. She thought they were aligned. And the underwear proved they were not.

Mind you, I didn’t have sex with him that night. Technically, all he did was ask “how was I doing”. I know from years of experience that it was a booty call. He was intending to bait me into setting a booty call. It was my fault for driving over right away, without letting him set-up the booty call.

That poor girl. She must have been devastated. And your poor ex. He must have been so confused. Neither one knew what the hell was going on. The capacity to view things in their true surroundings requires conversation. But when two people are arguing about a mystery pair of women’s underwear that appears out of nowhere…how the hell do you have a conversation about that?

Hahah you yell a lot at each other

I mean, Rachel, maybe your ex and his girlfriend had connected so deeply he was texting to say he was sorry for abusing you previously and he wanted closure in order to move forward?

Yeah, it’s possible. Not likely, but possible.

Rachel, you know he does this to every ex in his phone, right? You’re not special to him, you’re just dumb enough to keep saying “yes” to him.

Have you guys ever done anything crazy to an ex (when he won’t let you go but has moved on)? Has your perspective of a situation ever caused a relationship to end? Has any mysterious item ever appeared in your home or a partner’s home and neither one of you knows where it came from? Write to us on facebook, twitter, or Instagram.

• Let’s take a quick Commercial break, we will be right back. (wait 3 seconds) And we are back.

Commercial Spot one: (17:34)
Add “Two Beats”
**Resume Conversation

Humans are capable of detecting emotions, physical touch, intelligence, energy levels, and spiritual dimensions. We feel connected to our pets, projects, and parents.

Can we feel sexually connected to our partners? On what level and on what platform? If you believe sex is only a physical act…then you are a quantum mechanic device only capable of feeling physical sex.

If this is the case, you will not have the ability to perceive the other sexual platforms. Sex behaves as an emotion, physical touch, intellect, energy, and a separate dimension. But not from a singular perspective. By yourself you are just masterbating. If you have sex from a singular perspective you are still just masterbating but inside a woman.

Or for women they are masterbating on a living dildo.

All men are living dildos

Do I need to get out the duck tape, woman???
Your ability to perceive these platforms determines whether or not you can connect with your partner on these platforms sexually. If you don’t think these platforms exist…then you certainly won’t be meeting anybody there.
So conscious observers do change the ability to detect different sexual components?

Yes, this kind of detection requires both participants to be conscious observers ready and willing to connect on each platform. It is the difference between Meh sex and ooooh shit sex.

Two people get together for sex and they give up their singular internal perspective (their entire history and past) and meld it with their partner’s perspective. Creating a brand new unique perspective only they can share together.

This melding is a two way sensory interaction requiring communication. I believe it is a bi-directional sensory highway making communication “one of our senses”.

I can see the validity in that thought. Especially because different emotions can even happen during sex. Think make up sex, break up sex, or plain passionate sex. For me, as someone who severely lacks serotonin, sex is not just a want but a need. The passion and positive energies I feel from it boost me. It literally gives me a high. Even “bad sex” can be good when the positive intentions are there behind it.

What is the difference between emotions, physical touch, intellect, energy, and being ported to another dimension?

Really, you don’t know?

Yes, I know KaYLa. This is a podcast. The audience wants to know.

Some of the audience already knows.

I’ve met people “who don’t know” and from personal experience it took me years of fooling around to experience any of these myself, and a good ten years in the sack to experience all of them.

And when you achieve all of them at once. OMG! Like seriously bliss.

But what about people who are self conscious, hate their bodies, or are ashamed of sex?

Yeah, I don’t know. I am none of those things. So, I don’t know how to help there.

lucky bitch…

I mean, I can honestly say “nothing in these podcasts is embarrassing me”. I talk about a lot of gross shit

Ah yeah

and intimate details but none of it “makes me feel much of anything”. I don’t care that the world can hear me. I’m like, “whatever”. So, in an attempt to help anyone out there who hates their body…?…I guess I can tell one secret.

You have a secret? Is it gross? Am I going to vomit? Maybe we shouldn’t air it because you have said some things that make my skin crawl for days. …Okay, tell me.

I dated a man once for about 5 months. I was so in love with him. When I met him I was transfixed by his eyes. Unfortunately he was a little short. And when I say that, I mean he was the same height as me. *Why is it, when you look eye-to-eye with a man he looks like a midget?

Rachel!!!

Sorry, I was a bit disappointed by his height. But I’ve been in love with others the same height as myself so “it wasn’t going to get in the way”. We were having dinner and I was falling into his eyes. He looked at me like I was the prettiest thing he had ever seen. I loved looking into his eyes.

Aw, that is so sweet.

I don’t actually know how to spit out the secret. Like, “I could go about it” a couple ways.

Just say it.

Ok, I mean, I love fairytales. Princesses, elves, fairies, Lord of the Rings and stuff but my favorite fantasy is a series called Elf Quest. It was published in 1978. When I was a kid I was addicted to it. In this series the elves have three fingers and a thumb. We all know that fictional characters frequently have three fingers and a thumb. This is a common theme. But when I think of a man with three fingers and a thumb I think of Elf Quest.

Some people find Anime sexy…I find Elf Quest sexy. It did it for me. I had many wet dreams inside that world growing up.

Please tell me you don’t fetishize short men as elves?

I don’t. I never have. They are just short. This guy I am telling you about wasn’t just short. He was in really good shape. He had three fingers and a thumb. And not just that…his face, hair texture, and head shape, combined with being short, and having three fingers and a thumb all together created this “ Elf Quest vibe”. I could never describe it with words. Kayla ,your gonna have to see the artwork to understand. He looked just like these characters and his hands really sold it to me.

This is weird.

Shut up kayla. I am being vulnerable. I would never say this out loud to anyone. But you asked a question I don’t know the answer to.

Fine, keep telling the story. I’m looking up Elf Quest. I have to know what you are talking about.

Some men fetishize asians or black women, some definitely fetishize anime and some are into furries. Well, it turns out “the man i’ve been the wettest for” is one that looked like he was straight out of Elf Quest.

Hmm, yeah, I see the appeal if he really looked like this. Did you ever tell him?

No kayla. He was confused by my obsession with him. He thought it was because he drove a Lexus.

No he didn’t.

I swear to god he thought I was obsessed with him because he drove a Lexus.

Why didn’t you just tell him?

Right. “Hey babe, I just want you to know when you hold me, run your hands up and down my body and finger me, I envision you with pointy ears “and it really does it for me every time”.

Hey he might have been into it, maybe he would have said he wanted you to dress up as an elven princess for him or some shit.

No, he was so self conscious about his hand. He honestly saw it as a deformity. I saw it as a wave of those three fingers was the way to open my portal.

Well, when you put it that way of course you shouldn’t. I guess there isn’t really a way to be honest with that, is there?

I know how creepy it is to feel fetishized. I have dated men that eventually let it “slip” they basically wanted to create Aryan children with me. They fetishized my whiteness and blue eyes.

Yeah, it’s a little creepy to fetishize someone.

I guess if I have to give advice to people who hate their bodies…I would say “someone finds you sexy as hell”. Don’t question it because you might not want to know why.

Ok, speaking of perception, perspective, and body parts: “segway because of the ADHD”, did I ever tell you about my Great Aunt?

No, what great aunt?

The one who “at one point in her life” had to have a foot amputated. She barely spoke English, being originally from Germany. She would have phantom limb pain and declare, “My footen do hurt!” “My footen do hurt!” and her daughters would have to remind her, “No mom it can’t hurt! It isn’t even there anymore!”

You know they can cure that! They use mirror therapy. Dr. Ramachandran and Rogers-Ramachandran were the first people in 1996 to use mirrors to cure a person’s phantom pain. You hold the mirror up to the healthy limb so the patient sees their missing limb and they move it until it stops hurting.

Okay, we got a little off track here. We were talking about how sex behaves as an emotion, physical touch, intellect, energy, and separate dimension.

Let’s make our way through the list.

Emotions: Have you tried being emotional during sex? Lot’s of men avoid it. If avoidance is your thing…more power to ya. But that power is blocking you from mind blowing life altering sex.

I would say 80% of the sex I had was without emotional connection. The difference is mind altering. Literally. People who don’t understand the brain’s capacity to pray, meditate, be on drugs, or link emotionally during sex are missing out on entire dimensions.

So how do people go about connecting emotionally during sex? There are studies done on eye connection and the potency it “brings to intimacy”. I highly suggest prolonged eye contact.

Words are a great way to cause emotion. Even half words drowning in a moan.

(I like sweet nothings whispered in my ear. Yeah, meee tooo)

Some people use music to evoke emotion during sex but that has a potential to do the opposite if you are not careful. Maybe show the playlist to your sex partner first and ask if they want any of the songs removed? That would be safest to keep her from thinking about an ex and getting either “hot for him” or “angry at him” and hiding that from you.

I like it when a man tells me “what he likes about me or my body” when he is participating in foreplay and during sex.

Like, what would he say?

“You have the softest skin”, “your eyes are so pretty”, “your body is the perfect shape”, “you smell so good”, “I love it when you do that, it feels so good”, “Oh, can you do that real slow and let it pop at the end, it feels so good”, “put your other hand here and squeeze there while you’re doing that”, “I love the way we can talk during dinner, getting to know you is so fascinating”,

“I love the way we can talk during dinner, getting to know you is so fascinating”??? Who would say that during sex? That is not something to say during sex. The rest I get, I mean I like more intimate statements too, like, “you mean the world to me.” Or, “I love you so much”

But it is. My favorite boyfriend said it to me one night while we were getting it on. He stopped for a second and looked me so deep in the eyes and held me extra tight and said “I love the way we can talk during dinner, getting to know you is so fascinating”.

My heart melted and I almost died right there. And he was honest in bed too. He said “I hate that I can only cum easy with a girl I don’t care for. Being able to bang it out fast and hard is easy. But when I am falling for someone like you I want to slow down and make it last and be tender but I have a hard time getting off that way.” When he said that I wanted to marry him then and there and have his babies. He had a hard time connecting emotionally during sex. It was sexy to me that he recognized that and could voice it. To me it was a sign of sexual intelligence. He knew himself. And he wanted to grow into something better.

Okay, yeah,

Honestly I don’t think we need to do Physical Touch: It’s easy. Poink poink. See. Touch easy.

In episode 11: My Lover is a Bagpipe we detail physical touch and how it is so much more than “Poink Poink”.

The only thing I would add to physical touch is: “slow down, you’re going too fast”. And I am not talking about your penis in her hole. I am talking about the 2 second foreplay “you think” got me wet. Twenty minutes fellas. If you hate foreplay you are looking at 20 minutes minimum. I have been with guys who love foreplay and we spend hours (not minutes) making out like teenagers.

Yeah, at least try to pretend she has skin covering her entire body packed with sensory nerve endings waiting for your touch.

Intelligence: Intelligence is sexy. But what is sexual intelligence?

So we are not getting off on someone’s IQ score?

Yes, I do sometimes. But there is also

Fucking nerd

being knowledgeable about human anatomy. And applying that to your partner’s anatomy to compare. When someone is curious about their partner’s body, that is sexy. A large part of gaining sexual intelligence about your partner comes from touching, talking, and showing. It’s how you get to know them.

We’ve talked about brain mapping in other episodes and this is the foundation of mapping them into your brain. Those sounds, touches, movements she likes, smells she likes, all get mapped onto your brain. Even spatial distance and location of artifacts gets mapped into your brain because you have designated brain neurons for spatial mapping. Spatial mapping provides a detailed representation of real-world surfaces from the environment…onto your brain.

The brain constructs maps to help connect physical spaces to stimuli. The medial temporal lobe and the hippocampus are responsible for mapping, navigation, and memory storage. But the information cannot magically transport itself onto your brain. First you have to lick it, smell it, touch it, experiment while listening to her breathe, listen to her moans, watch her arch, pull away, push into it, and see if she is willing to tell you when she doesn’t like something. If she never says “no” then you don’t have a baseline to compare things to.

Part of building sexual intelligence on your partner is creating a space safe for honesty. Listen, apply, and practice until you can “see or feel them liking it”. Tell her you want to know five things she doesn’t like so you can see and feel “what that looks like”.

Also a really important note “in case someone is getting confused”…she doesn’t know what feels good with you. Just because it felt good with her ex doesn’t mean it is something the two of you should be doing.

And she might need you “to try” in order to understand that herself. Ultimately, the two of you are figuring out what sex “is best for the two of you”. Not her and Timmy. Not you and Debby.

It helps to read books, watch videos ( and i don’t mean porn!)on sexual anatomy…but talking to and getting to know your partner and how their body relates to what you read and learned is the only way to apply that knowledge specifically to your partner. That builds intimacy, trust, and a better understanding of your partner’s mind and body.

Note we said talking, reading, and learning are steps that get followed up with practice, experimentation, making mistakes, misinterpreting, trying again, getting embarrassed, doing it wrong, having false confidence, and asking more follow up questions “to verify what you think is happening”…is really happening.

Any Ego, Pride, Contempt, or Defensiveness is the opposite of sexual intelligence. If these are in your bedroom…sex will only be physical.

Energy: Your energy is the combination of the emotion, physical touch, and intellect you are bringing to the table. Do you flirt all day? Did you offer to help out that day? Did you pause and notice her, speak to her, and connect with her during the day?

Are you bringing energy into the bedroom if you don’t offer “emotion or intellect”?

Yes you are! But what kind of energy?

The kind that is devoid of “emotion and sexual intelligence”.

Also, We did an episode on energy. Episode 10: What’s your Vibe goes into this if you want to check out that episode.

Alright, I have some witchy shit to share, you ready for some witchcraft information?!

Um, yes?

Did you know you can cast magic with your sex energy?

You mean I can curse my ex boyfriend with my pussy?

Well…maybe? Ok but on a serious note, there are actually practicing wiccans who use sex and masterbation to put their energies and intentions into the universe! I read an article

Kayla, you know this is a science podcast. We read scientific articles…not witchcraft articles.

Bite me. I read an article about a woman who went to this place where they practice sex magic and as she puts it, she participated in a “Magick Circle Jerk” . Women use their sexual energy to manifest what they want. The author of the article says the yonic powers and energies “that night” actually caused positive changes in her life. Chronically suppressed energies of women cause negative blockages in our lives. Throw your intentions into the universe as you orgasm and you too can see positive changes in your life. Awaken your inner cauldron by stewing up a love circle of your own.

The funny thing is I believe “that could cause some serious changes in anyone’s life”. Imagine going to a yoga studio and joining a bunch of strangers to masterbate together. Your mind would unravel. It is only natural that going through with something that scary would jolt you into accepting or starting changes to make your life better. That is “way better and more powerful” than holding a focusing stone in your hand.

One of our episodes was about jump starting brain plasticity. This would do it for sure. Getting over the embarrassment of showing up would be huge.

Yeah, and then actually getting naked in front of everyone.

And then actually getting sexual with everyone right there. This is the perfect segway into our next portion of sexual perception and perspective: spiritual dimensions.

Can you sexually be ported into another dimension?

It sounds so new age-y or sci fi.

“As he undresses you each layer being taken off opens the portal wider.”

Hahah My portal is opening all right.

It’s definitely the kind of thing you either know or have “no idea what people are talking about”.

I equate it to the first time I had an orgasm when I was 22 years old. I was stunned afterwards. I had heard people talk about it. I had read about it. And I even wanted it to happen. I didn’t know how and I didn’t know what it was.

Men can be this way with their orgasms. They are all “pornstar stance” and mechanical about getting their nut

and they hear about these elusive mind altering orgasms and they have zero idea how to go about it.

When we suggest they connect emotionally they scoff at us.

Well….it’s kind of the only way…yup…kind of the only way.

So, if you are listening and you “are finally willing to give it a try”…we have some suggestions to get you started. Look each other in the eyes. There is nothing physical about that. So why is it important and what does it do?

Other parts of your brain take over. When you fall into their eyes it’s as if all the sensory neurons that were connected to the outside world are disconnecting and latching onto the inner world of your partner. Another part of your brain kicks in that isn’t used in daily life or part of surviving (doing your job, paying bills,). You feel reality fading and the other person becomes all you can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste. it is like you are calmly slowly strolling through a forest of soft strobbing lights and the air is perfectly warm. When you are eye-to-eye thinking thoughts of love while sensually whispering things you like about them and how you feel “in the moment” the brain starts to distort and worble a bit.

Then you slip into this other dimension where time disappears and you feel like you are floating in nothing and each thrust sends you deeper into space.

Does it work if you are faking the emotional connection “because she is just a warm hole to experiment with” to try and get to this other dimension?

No. It’s a spiritual thing. You need to find someone you are willing to actually care about. Which might call for a serious life shift on your end.

Let’s describe what the penis entering the vagina actually feels like.

Okay, you go first.

It’s a hole. Men have holes. They have ears which get dirty, when they swim…their ears get full of water and it doesn’t feel good until a q-tip has done its job. If you don’t clean your ears for a month and step out of a hot shower your ear is screaming for a q-tip. And it feels so good to get it in there.

You make cleaning your ears sound so sensual.

Hush, I’m not done yet. Think about when you need to vomit. The entire body is invested in getting something out. Your stomach is rolling and heaving. Your throat is ready to help. Your body doubles over to make it easier. This whole body experience can be compared to a woman being horny. But it is not an “ejection” feeling. It is a “hunger”. A craving to bring something inside.

Okay, now You make horny sound so gross.

So put all that together to combine the feeling of being hungry but it’s a wet ear that needs to be filled up with something frictional like a q-tip. And the dizzying sensation of feelings when He whispers ‘I love you’ while thrusting in and it’s like…*

Yeah, it’s like that…Yeah, it’s like that.

I would describe it as pleasing pressure. Like when you have a sore muscle that needs massaging, but in just the right way. If rubbed too hard or wrong it hurts and makes you squirm away, but with the right motion and pressure it’s a pure release, sometimes so good it sends tingles through your body. A feeling you never want to end, and eventually that sore muscle releases and it’s pure serotonin release, pure joy and it’s the best feeling your brain can find.

Learning to be great in bed, myth or fact? Can you learn emotional, psychological, physiological, physical, intellectual, energetically, and spiritual dimensions of sex? Are all partners the same? Do you have to relearn with each partner or just adjust to a partner? Do we have any listeners that have ever practiced sex magic? Connect with us on Tic Tok or Youtube.

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So, we figured out the difference between perception and perspective. I would like to take a moment to deduce what pornography is, the intention behind it, our perception of it, and how to put that all together to have a healthy perspective of it.
Is pornography real?
I mean, some use live actors, some are home videos uploaded, some are cartoons, others are computer graphics. So, “some” of it’s real?
Wrong. Pornography is a genre of entertainment with a specific purpose.
Da nut?
Da nut
It makes men and women insecure in the long run and makes people terrible lovers. It encourages people to act out mechanical sexual acts neglecting emotions, physical touch, sexual intelligence, energy levels, and spiritual dimensions. Just look at the term “performance anxiety”. How is that word even equated to sex at all? Pornography.
Hear hear, I drink to that. Fuck pornography! Yeah, fuck pornography!
So if a young man blossoming into manhood asks “how is it not an accurate depiction of real sex? It turns me on, it’s just a “how-to” guide for sex!”
Wrong.
Wrong.
Guys, listen to us. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
“Yeah, but she is obviously liking it and look, she is orgasming!”
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Women are more turned on by words. Men are more turned on by visual cues. She is at the salon getting her nails, hair, make-up done, purchasing dresses, shoes, and undies all to visually turn you on.
What exactly are you saying to turn her on? “Give it to me baby?”, “what time are you coming over?”, “nice tits?”
Approaching sex from your perspective of what turns you on makes sex all about you which in turn makes said sex actually masterbating in another human’s hole.
What should a man say instead?
Well, according to the guy who broke up with me because I never texted him…you are supposed to talk to each other. Get to know each other.
What about the physical ‘mechanics’ of sex? Some people think skin is capable of feeling good, if touched. Others think the head of the penis is the only point of pleasure. Some people never think about touch at all and assume all touch is the same.
But, Lucy touches you differently than Claire touches you. These are different women which makes it different “touches”. If you can’t feel the difference then you are not paying attention.
Sex is fluid; there is a plasticity that helps you adapt sexual attitudes and behavior to present circumstances and current partners. Take for example a blow job competition.
Why bother with a competition? All women give identical blow jobs. Put it in the mouth and blow. Done.
Wrong. No two blow jobs are alike because of individual perspectives.
By making a contest out of it, you ensure none of them will blow your mind because the best blow job ever will be done with care, observation, adjustment to reactions, finding out what visuals turn him on, what words send him spiraling between suctioning motions, exploring any reachable skin with your fingertips to see if it sends him higher,
She’s not talking about the sphincter.
I’m not. You can explore there if you wish, but too many people slap the “Butthole Exploration Label” onto any hint suggesting “exploration”.
It doesn’t have to be the butthole folks. Knees, legs, cheeks, nipples, back, stomach, balls all are sensitive when you suckin’ him. Same goes when fellas are suckin’ her. Keep yur finger outta my butthole.
Yeah, keep your finger out of my butthole you asshole. And your tongue. My sugar daddy stuck his tongue in me bung last night and then in my hoo ha and I almost kicked him in the face. But I have to wait for the car title to transfer to my name before I can voice my opinion on how he is a disgusting creep.
Which brings up this important point: “How can someone pay attention if they don’t feel the differences in touch between partners”?
They can say to themselves “wow, I really like how this feels” and then they can pay attention to exactly what she is doing. He can ask her if she likes what he just did.
Thank you for asking. I actually despise it when you put ecoli up my pussy.
Thanks for never doing that again.
What are her hands, fingers, mouth, tongue, body, words, or facial expressions doing? Learn to identify what she likes by her body movements, breath, and vocal expressions. Ask her to tell you “yes or no”. Like specifically do something she doesn’t like to get her to voice the word “No” to you so she realizes it is okay to say “no” to you. Many women will refuse to say “no” to a man especially during sex when they are vulnerable, naked, and fear is on the horizon.
On the flip side of that note: when she is experimenting on your body sending you to bliss…what Is she doing? Is it something you could reciprocate? I mean if it feels good, maybe she would like it too? Then try to replicate it. Ask her to show you what she is doing or have her describe her techniques to you.
I have had sex with a lot of people.
Yeah, ya think?
Sometimes I get a craving for good sex and I will try to teach a man some tricks. I will do something that makes his eyes roll in the back of his head and he jizzes all over the room like I stuck a grenade up his ass. When I ask him to do it back to me. 90% of the time they literally say “do what”?
Uh,
do what I just did to you.
“I don’t know what you just did”.
(so I describe it in great detail).
They continue to stare blankly at me like: “how the fuck could I do that”? I make them try which involves them pawing at me like a puppy trying to bury a bone in the frozen tundra. It is so frustrating when a man cannot fathom the delicate intricate movements of a finger coordinated with the movement of a hand coordinated with the movements of a mouth.
Maybe the fact that you took dance lessons for five years makes you more in tune with your body movements and coordination? Maybe you are more aware of your individual movements since you studied individual movements of the body? It’s possible men are unaware of coordinated rhythmic body motions?
Maybe. Is that a good reason to suck in the sack? These men look at me like I am asking them to knit a blanket for me out of pubic hair.
Okay, so pornography is not good for learning how to have good sex.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Well, let’s give some good tips here then. If you only compliment her during sex…she can deduce one thing from that. You only care about sex. Which will make her resentful and the sex will not be something she gets into very much compared to if you were paying attention to her outside the bedroom and looking deep into her eyes in the kitchen, caressing her back and hugging her tight on the couch, telling her how pretty she looks when she is done getting ready in the morning.
Do these things without making it sexual.
So…just love someone normally?
Yeah, just be normal and love them. Behave in a loving fashion.
Normal love and attention during the day will make her feel loved which leads to better sex.
Because sex involves two people?
Yes, because sex involves two people. I mean, it’s okay to have bad sex. It’s even okay to masterbate in someone. This advice is just for people who want to try something more meaningful or more intense. We honestly don’t give a shit if you people are having bad sex out there.
We are teaching anyone willing to listen in case you happen to be Rachel’s next partner.
Hahahah, thank you Kayla. I love you.
No problem. I am just looking out for you. Okay, what is next on the lesson plan?
Intense.
Such a great word.
If you are not applying “intense techniques” then the sex will not be intense. So, what is intense?
It is affection and tenderness throughout the day as well as in the sack, being able to attach emotions and meaning to sexual experiences with your partner.
Being fair in all things. Expressing love, opening up to her about your past, family, friends, grade school, fears, hopes, dreams, and being intimate or vulnerable with your current feelings, develop and maintain a meaningful connection while avoiding “exploitative or manipulative behaviors”. Communicate and accept love, express your emotions and be willing to try new things while giving and receiving pleasure.
What kind of new things? Bondage? Scat play? Diapers? Kinky talk?
No, I mean like wiggling your finger in a twisting motion left and right instead of just jamming it in her like a rapid fire jack hammer. I am talking about tiny movements. Tiny motions. Tiny coordinations that require you to pay attention and focus real close to what is happening to see the subtle nuances in what works and what doesn’t work.
I feel like you are asking men to do something outside the scope of “what man is”. Women are more flexible when it comes to sex.
Yeah, I’m kinda bendy.
🤨
I mean women can change their attitude and behavior easier than men. Women are better at adjusting to new partners and their needs.
Right, which is why I am asking men to step up. If they need a reason to…they are missing out on so much when they persist in their numb cold distant echoing chambers of oblivion. I mean, you are stuck on this planet for roughly 80 years. Maybe you could devote 2 of those years to investigating intimacy to see what that’s like? What if you are missing out on something amazing? Don’t you get bored banging “chick after chick” like it’s fast food? What if someone told you the sex feels better if you are intimate? Would that make you curious?
I would like to introduce next week’s episode. Episode 26: Kinks and Society. Why do some people have some really weird fetishes? When is a fetish taken too far? Cannibalism kink and Some famous dude! Could cannibalism be tied to cunnilingus somehow? Falling in love with a blow up doll or sex bot. BDSM culture. Feet. Ageism. Food sex. Anal. Specific positions. Diaper man. Feeding fetish. Asian fetish. Black fetish. both women and separately the big black cock fetish by white married women. Swinging. Poly. voyeurism. Age gap relationships. Cougars, gold diggers, sugar daddies,

We want you guys to submit your ideas/stories/and questions pertaining to next week’s topic. You can email us. Or, join our patreon.

We have been posting some intimate stuff about Rachel on there.

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Thank you so much everyone for listening. We love you. See you next week on Dating Hypothesis!!! ending music