Ep 6: Loving the Unlovable

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Rachel: “Even toxic people need love. They don’t deserve to be put out to sea.”

Are you talking about the research done by Jeffrey Johnson? It is called “Childhood verbal abuse and risk for personality disorders during adolescence and early adulthood.

Rachel: “Yes, I am, that’s the one.”

Music Intro

Hey everyone, my name is Kayla!

And this is Rachel with Dating Hypothesis, thank you so much for joining us today!

I want you all as listeners to understand, we ARE NOT mental health professionals! We have only just the information we have studied to share with you. We don’t not claim to know or have a complete understanding of each of these disorders. I myself am doing my best to embody each one I read to assist in understanding them, not with intent to offend or create misconception, Rachel does in fact have some of these disorders and is sharing her own life experiences in this episode. This is our BIG TRIGGER WARNING. If discussing mental health disorders can be triggering for you please feel free to shut this podcast off.

First I need to be very clear…personality disorders are serious and require professional help. We are not professionals. This is a comedy podcast about science and dating, so we will be making jokes and snippy comments about personality disorders. What gives us the sass to do this? Raychel has endured debilitating abuse during her childhood and we wish to speak on this topic in a frank, comedic, and informative way.

What is a personality disorder?

It is the inability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships, based on a rigid way of thinking and behaving that makes relating to other people’s points-of-view difficult. It makes social activities, work, and school difficult.

Not just for the person with the personality disorder, but also for the people in their lives who are affected. Right, the average Joe doesn’t realize they have a personality disorder, because our way of thinking and behaving seems natural to us. It’s normal to blame others for the challenges we face. So, how can we discern if they are the problem, or if we are?

I wonder if there is a magic line somewhere in Sanity-ville that if you cross the line you are suddenly and inextricably burdened with a personality disorder? No, I don’t think it is a hard line that people cross, but rather a spectrum. Most of us just have weird quirks, but it really depends if these quirks hinder your interpersonal relationships.

Personality disorders usually begin in the teenage years or early adulthood when we are not aware of the world around us. We are still the center of the universe. Adolescents are flooded with hormones, peer pressure, desires for independence, pressured to do well at school, and all of this while sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day, watching their lives waste away.

Well said! Personality disorders are grouped into three clusters, based on similar characteristics and symptoms. So if you have one, you probably have two…or you know, five intermingling. Research has shown personality disorders lessen in strength with age. Ah, you mean even people with personality disorders can mature to become less disordered? Right! But it’s not science till we research it and prove it! I mean, It makes sense that we become wiser and symptoms become less obvious as we learn to cope with our disorders and the people around us clue us into our dysfunctions. Unfortunately this benefit tends to be limited to work settings and new relationships. Once you are in a long term relationship you let your guard down and just want to be yourself. That tends to be when the crazy slips out.

Right?

Men don’t disclose medications until after a month or two of dating. I’ve been on over 400 tinder coffee dates. And I can only think of half a dozen that showed signs of personality disorder.

It used to be that personality disorders were rare.The National Institute of Mental Health suggests that 9% of the U.S. population meets the criteria for a personality disorder.  One in 6 Americans are currently taking psychotropic medicine. That is a lot of personality disorders. Are we as a society finally recognizing these traits in the general population? Are we willing to medicate people who don’t have extreme personality disorders? Is it more common to medicate people who are frustrated being different? Do people think they are more messed up than they really are? 22% of America takes mood stabilizing medications for Anxiety and depression. Interestingly 66% of the population is on prescribed medication for health reasons. Most of these are not mental health medications. It is alarming to me that more than half of America is on prescribed medication currently, right now today. Is it all the baby boomers? All the old people and their multiple medications? No, it is not, there are only 73 million baby boomers, only 20% of america is the elderly demographic taking prescribed medications. A separate 46% of of the population is medicated and are under 60 years old. Our general population in america is unhealthy. Do you think this exacerbates t mental health issues?

men I’ve dated have mental health issues and are pretty physically healthy except last boyfriend. He yoyo’ed roller coastered with weight, health, and consumption. He claimed to use tennis as therapy to maintain equilibrium but he was just addicted and it interfered with his ability to have a long term relationship. Plus, he still binge ate and drank while playing. I guess it was better than not exercising at all?

Types of personality disorders are grouped into three clusters, and these are based on similar characteristics and symptoms. You do not have to exhibit all the symptoms.

Yeah, It all boils down to how you treat the people in your life and how you treat yourself.

We’re going to cover the “causes and cures”, then “different cluster types”, and we will end today’s episode with “how to give them the love they need”.

Add “Two Beats”

• Begin conversation: Causes and Cures

What causes personality disorders?

My sychotic bitch of a mother caused mine. The double whammy is now I am attracted to assholes that display similar symptoms because it feels familiar.

Personality disorders develop due to unhealthy coping mechanisms with life events. Abuse contributes to developing cluster B personality disorders. Another factor could be genetics and early drug use.

Right! When you are abused as a child you are kind of naturally drawn to drugs. Like, “anywhere but here, be better”.

Once you realize genetics can play a role, maybe you won’t blame them for being evil?

Says you. Humans are capable of controlling their own bad behavior. Hey, when we are ready to use crispr to fix people, can I force the treatment on my mom? Sounds like love to me.

Researchers have identified possible genetic factors behind personality disorders. Ozaki identified a malfunctioning gene in a family with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Other researchers are exploring genetic links in aggression, anxiety, and fear.

As someone who displays personality disorder symptoms it seems obvious to me that parenting, peer influence, and childhood trauma ALL play a vital role in developing a personality disorder. 

Findings from one of the largest studies of personality disorders, the Collaborative Longitudinal Personality Disorders, offer clues about the role childhood experiences play in destroying children’s mental health.

Right! It’s only real if it can be scientifically proven. (*sarcasm) One study  found a link between the types of, and volume of childhood traumas, and the development of personality disorders. People with borderline personality disorder, for example, have especially high rates of childhood sexual trauma. Like, any one of us could have clued you into that. 

Hmmm, I wonder “what will happen”,…if say,…I sexually assault a small child?

Let’s get less graphic for a moment and switch to verbal abuse…Most people don’t think words can cause permanent damage, but science is discovering that verbal abuse has very long lasting and devastating effects. Get this: “In a study of 793 children and mothers, researchers asked mothers if they had either screamed at their children, told them they didn’t love them, or threatened to send them away. Children who experienced this negative verbiage were three times more likely to have borderline, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive or paranoid personality disorders later on in adulthood.” 

Well, thank god, science can prove this. I wouldn’t have known otherwise.

Researchers are studying highly reactive children, young kids that are particularly sensitive. If you are a little kid who is sensitive to light, noise, texture and other stimuli and you get told to ignore it, stop complaining, or it’s nothing…How are you Not going to develop a personality disorder? When you are told to ignore half your personality then half your personality will be warped. 

You are right Rachel, research has found that highly reactive children were more likely to develop shy, timid or anxious personalities. The role of “being high reactivity” is still far from clear-cut. Twenty percent of infants are highly reactive, but less than 10 percent go on to develop social phobias.

Yeah, that’s because the other 10 percent have mothers who pay attention, help ease anxiety, and lessen the horror of this god forsaken planet.

What cures personality disorders?

Psychotherapy, Medications, Therapy for Caregivers and Family Members.

So let’s get one thing cleared up first. If you, just, have a “mood disorder”, medication by itself will help. Medication regulates mood, but it will not change your fundamental personality, the core being of who you are, how you form and maintain relationships. Forming and maintaining relationships depends on your personality. And if you have a personality disorder…you will have relationship disorders.

Okay, someone was told their entire life “that they are this, or that”. They take steps to improve. Can they stay around former family & friends while developing new habits? Or, do they need to be around new people to become the new them?

That is a good question for people listening. Did you ever try to change and the people in your life “wouldn’t let you”.

This is why therapy for caregivers and family members is part of the cure.

Well, think about it. If “you, change” and the people around you still treat you the same then you are in the same rocky water…just in a different boat trying to row with different oars. Don’t forget…new concepts and new mental awareness skills are harder to use than your old gut reaction coping mechanisms. Caregivers and family members are part of the problem or part of the cure. As you learn to be kinder, and a more loving member of society, your caregivers and family need to allow room for that.

Men in my life that tried to change but stayed in the same environment…#’s  drinking

If the people around you cause your mental illness, then staying around them will not allow for a cure unless your underlying personality is steel grit level and you can hold your own while you are being put down, abused, neglected, and snidely mocked. This episode is about how to love someone with a personality disorder. Part of loving them is to allow for positive change. Don’t get bitter when they change for the better. And don’t hold them in the cage of their old selves. Or hell, better yet, don’t abuse, ignore, hit, molest, or manipulate someone in the first place.

Prevention is much better than a cure. There are millions of people out there right now that never develop a full blown personality disorder because one person offset the negative influences they were getting.    I want to know how many people listening today would have had a full blown personality disorder if a special someone had not been part of your life. Who is the person that saved you? Who showed you that the abuse you were experiencing wasn’t your fault and that the abuse you were experiencing was not okay?

I was taught at a young age about sex. My mother thought we needed to know about penises and vaginas when I was 7 years old. The most fucked up part about her teachings was how normal sex was and how we were supposed to want it and participate in it. So between the incest and our molestation of the entire neighborhood’s under age population, I was also being molested by the men floating around my mother. One of her boy toys came over for a booty call and since she wasn’t home, he decided I would do just fine. I was nine. Another time she left me asleep on the couch while she stumbled up stairs drunk. Left me there with her male friend. I was 10. There was one molestation that wasn’t her fault. I was babysitting for my aunts. At 2am they did their cocaine after party, in the living room, offering me lines. My aunts let some rando stay behind while they did a beer run. Fun times, I think I was 11. This 21 year old literally was using romantic conversation starters while he crawled into bed with me. Like I would be interested in “dating” him for one hour.

Let’s talk more about the cure for a minute. Many people will insist a personality disorder cannot be cured, only masked. I am angry, scarred, and in mental pain over the things done to me. I mask my inner personality when I first meet someone. I have to. To fit in. Then, as my friendship or relationship deepens I loosen up a bit, talk more real to test out how they take it, and Bam! I find myself wanting to be the real me which can be pretty intense. Like, mean, vindictive, vengeful, petty, holding a grudge longterm. You know what I mean, right?

Yeah! The trick with more severe personality disorders is getting them to pretend that they are nice people, night and day for 12 weeks solid. Not let that disorder creep into the relationship. Which is tough because that disorder is a real personality. We want to hide it. We get tired of hiding it. We want to be ourselves. Ourselves is nothing but an asshole. But seriously, If the person themselves is intent on healing, they need help staying on track, gentle reminders of their goal, and what they are steering towards. It can be done! Psychotherapy, Medications, Therapy for Caregivers and Family Members does help. You as the person “loving the unloveable”..you are the one in the warzone nudging us onto the correct path. And it takes the will of a saint.

Meanwhile, people who don’t want to change will think “you want me to become a whole different person!”. Well…yes, please. That would be great. Because you are a fucking asshole. I liked who you were pretending to be the first 2 weeks when we met. In fact, I am asking you to keep pretending, forever, because that was, what I was attracted to. That “you” was a nice person. This “you” sucks ass. You manipulated your way into my life, now keep up the manipulation forever because the manipulation is kinder, gentler, more attentive, and more loving than the real you. The real you is a piece of shit, so forget the real you and keep being the fake you, permanently.

Don’t forget the “dog house” moments!

Ah, when you get caught in a lie or hurting someone and you “behave” for a month or two to prove you are an innocent harmless victim. But then you go back to the same old behavior patterns.

This can be one of those points in the maturity development we spoke of earlier. If during one of these problematic moments the person decides to actually be better, then every problematic moment has the potential to be a pivotal moment in their decision to change.

It would seem, as long as they scrutinize each of those “dog house moments”, it would be a slow funneling process to get them to grow up. And remember, abusers don’t go around town being loud, knocking down old ladies on the sidewalk, and kicking dogs. They are actually quite charming to be around. Until you live with them. That’s when it all comes out.

At least some disorders cause people to avoid relationships altogether. That gets them out of the dating pool.

In order to cure a personality disorder one must face the reality that you are being an asshole. 

(Who created that meme? “Abusers be like “I don’t remember that happening!” No shit sherlock! For me it was a formative memory that forever changed the way my brain processes information and for you it was a fucking tuesday!)

It’s a choice to “grow up”, stop being so selfish, self centered, user, abuser, looser, violating, and volatile. Just because someone neglected, molested, beat, abandoned, and traumatized you a long time ago doesn’t mean you have the right to do the same to me today.

Oh, I need to bring up the difference between masking symptoms and actually changing yourself for the better. I mask my symptoms. I hide. I purposely do a variety of good things in my life. I volunteer, I teach Sunday School, I am good to my friends and family, but when I disappear for a day or two weeks…I am being myself. And what does that look like? I am cheating on you. I have several sugar daddies taking me to Puerto Vallarta, Florida, Vegas so I can be myself for a little while without hurting you…even though “me disappearing” hurts you.

Rachel, why do you get into relationships at all? 

Because I want love. I want someone to love me for who I am. I fake my entire life. Everything about me is fake. I want someone to love “that innocent little girl” hidden deep inside me. Are you innocent? No. I am a grown up asshole who wants to slut around using boys for their money to feed my insatiable desire for distraction from my pain. So why are you still trying to find love? Why not just be a player? Because I am hoping that if I find someone decent that I am actually attracted to, if they love me enough, I will turn back into that little girl and all my pain will go away. And are you attracted to decent people? Nope.

Well, let’s move on to another thing that no one wants to hear; change. When a person spends weeks or months changing, eventually becoming someone better, they tend to notice that no one else is working on themselves. Only one person is changing…themselves. Then, they start to notice the shitty things “nice people” do. And that can be a tough bitter pill to swallow.

Let’s not forget the elephant in the room. “What is it about yourself that was drawn to someone with the personality disorder”? You can, “blame them till the cows come home” but if you were a healthy person…you would never let someone treat you like that. Because, let’s be honest, what they do…doesn’t feel good. Why are you sticking around?

Right? Seriously, If I was healthy, I would have run for the hills as soon as I noticed my partner treating me the way he did. I would not have stuck around for him to cheat on me, be shady, and trick me into thinking I was the problem.

The bad thing is: if you have a personality disorder, you are highly likely to be powerfully drawn to someone with one. Why? Well, you were created by one. We are attracted to that mom or dad figure. So…bad luck for you, your amour will be the same type of asshole your parents were.

(Ask the audience)  I want to ask all of you guys…Do you notice a pattern of personality disorders you find yourself continuously drawn to?

 If so, how long does it take you to notice signs that something may not be well with the person?

Commercial Spot one: (27:46 or 27:57)  

Add “Two Beats”

** Resume conversation: So, there are a variety of disorders out there, let’s go over them quickly.

I just want to point out that Bipolar disorder is not a personality disorder, it is a mood disorder: with that said, let’s get back to reviewing Personality Disorders

Cluster A personality disorders:  These are the loners.

Paranoid’s: are suspicious and distrustful of you and it’s Pervasive. Like persistent, every day/every week. Or, let’s face it, every thought. They don’t trust you. Period. Yes, it’s unjustified and most of them know this but the thoughts are constant and difficult to fight. They will not confide in you because let’s face it…you will eventually use it against them and it is none of your business to begin with. The way you say things, or the words you choose to use, proves your inner intentions. When a paranoia points out what you said…at the very least…admit you should be using the English language better. Like most other Personality disorders, Paranoids hold grudges long term.

Schizoid’s are distant, withdrawn, and inward-focused. In other words…leave them alone. They are not interested in social interaction with you or being intimate. So, they prefer to be alone? Well, (Pretending to be in a relationship) is the only way to get laid while keeping you monogamous. No one wants to lick another man’s cum out of your hoo ha. Even if their initial interest was real, let’s face reality, you got annoying right quick. You will have to adjust “what love is”, to their comfort level.

Schizotypal’s can see the future and read your mind. They have odd perceptual experiences like hearing whispers, unusual emotional responses, and like Schizoids they too have social anxiety and are uncomfortable with close relationships. When they see hidden messages it’s because life is full of hidden messages. Too bad you can’t see it. I suggest taking mushrooms or acid because it can open reality for you, so you can be compassionate towards those of us that “see things the way they really are”.

Okay, so those were the loners. Next, let’s do the drama queens. And remember folks. All these fun disorders jumble, inner mix, and cross barriers. So when you get confused when your center of attention – drama queen boyfriend, is a hermit…just roll with it.

Cluster B personality disorders the drama queens

Antisocial’s don’t care for your rights, feelings, or safety. We are comfortable lying especially when “you need it or deserve it”. We are impulsive. No, we can’t fight it. It’s the same as breathing. So stop asking for an apology. When you met me, you told me you were a sociopath. I did. I am in the middle of the spectrum. I fight my inclinations every day. Those on the higher end of the spectrum repeatedly violate the law including your rights, engaging in aggressive and violent behavior. Why are you or they like that? Well, my mom beat the shit out of me till I bled. Not once, not twice. But my entire childhood. I was molested by everyone. At some point in my life, I realized “incest…isn’t being raised by a normal healthy family”. My brain was formed by these daily assaults. Not much else after that fazes you.

Borderline’s cut off all communication out of fear of abandonment. They idolize then hate you depending on the day of the week. The symptoms are spending sprees, sex addiction, drug addiction, binge eating, and self-harm. Studies show structural and functional changes in parts of the brain that control impulse and emotional regulation. But what came first? The abuse or was the tiny infant born this way? and the parent thought “hey, I think a little molestation will set this shitty little bastard straight”. Did this come from dear mom and dad? Or did you the child, cause mom and dad trauma making them abuse, neglect, and abandon you? Let’s study it and find out.

I am pretty sure I have 7 of these conditions. You mean Disorders? Phffft. Disorder. All 4 of my ex husbands will tell you I am a peach.

Narcissists

depends if they are covert or overt. If they are in or out. Closeted or Openly Egotistical bastards. Either way they are drawn to power and success. Closeted hidden narcissists are drawn to your success so they can leech off you. The classic overt narcissist wants to be The Successful One. Both will lie. More importantly, truth is not an option. Never tell the truth, much less the whole truth, so help me god. Always leave room for ambiguity. You don’t have needs or feelings…because you don’t exist outside of my needs.

Narcissists are arrogant too, right? The arrogance in a classic stereotypical Overt narcissist can be spotted a mile away. 

Covert closeted narcissists arrogance is hidden. It’s an inner, personal arrogance that fights with their self-hatred. Outwardly they play victim, they are shy, they always have the disadvantage. Which is why they need to take advantage of you. Their inner arrogance allows them this right.

Histrionic’s need to be the center of attention. They attain this using dramatic behavior and frequent “mood swings”. And yes, sex is one of their mood swings. They pretend relationships are closer than they really are, in order to be the center of attention.

Why do people get in a relationship with a cluster B’s in the first place?

All the drama and attention seeking can come across as attention and interest. It can fill a hole. Whether your hole exists due to a lifetime of stability and normalcy, or neglect and abandonment. If someone blasts into your life like a blaze of glory it can be fucking glorious.

Cluster C personality disorders: the anxious and fearful.

Dependent’s are naturally submissive thus dependent. It’s better if you just take care of us. We will lavish you with care and love in return. But, never leave me. I don’t like to be alone. That includes rolling over in bed in your sleep. Never do that, Just hold me. Always. If you need to beat or rape me…I will understand.

Avoidant’s bathe in stress, and wallow in low self-esteem. Criticism or rejection is worse than death for us, a stabbing wound because I’m already inadequate and unattractive. Being a hermit is the only option.

Obsessive’s I need order and the only way to get that is by controlling everything (this is different from obsessive Compulsive disorder, like hand washing, door closing, etc). It may involve hoarding or weird spartanism. And budgeting to the point of misery.

Have you met people who live in empty apartments or homes? You mean men? Lol, yeah. A good reminder that, weird is not a personality disorder. So, you mean different is not a personality disorder! Correct!

plug social media wrapped in audience feedback request “Are you in a relationship with anyone with any of these disorders? How do you nurture your relationship? What do you give to make sure they feel loved?”

Commercial Spot two: (37:14 or 37:27)

Add “Two Beats”

*** Finish conversation: What do they need? 

We need love. We were born human, We will die human. Invite us in, hold us accountable. Give us the love we need.

Yup, end of episode.

We are full of bitterness. We already feel helpless because of our shortcomings. I melt in my shifting emotions that swirl about me and I cannot control the demanding impulses that consume me. I feel naked and vulnerable from the onslaught of abuse given by the people surrounding me. 

It’s the way we view, understand, and relate to the outside world. Every personality disorder is unique down to the individual it is harbored in and our specific childhood injustices. No two will be the same nor should they be loved the same. You cannot love all narcissists identically. They each have a unique set of needs.

 And unfortunately, many will change their demands as you adjust yourself to their needs. Just when you fulfill everything they told you they needed…suddenly, 

or more likely, a slow morphology happens

to keep you on their side, but on the outside. Why? If they ever let you in…fear of abandonment tears them to pieces. It’s better to reject you first. Plus, keeping you in continual wrong keeps them in continual right. It keeps the focus on them, giving them the attention they never got as a child. 

Unfortunately normal people get sick of that roller coaster behavior.

Hell, Disordered people get sick of that roller coaster behavior. What is the point if we are not allowed to get it right? I mean, why keep trying? At some point, I need to feel like I am good enough. And I want to be the center of attention sometimes, personality disorder or not. It has to go both ways or it gets tired.

So, how can we love the unlovable?

First you need to figure out what they need. What are their symptoms? Their symptoms are a misguided attempt to get their needs filled. Symptoms come from a place of fear and anger.

We think they are volatile and irrational…but they are just reacting to stimuli…so imagine what they think of us? The ones giving that stimulus! They need us to slow down, care more, show more love, be there for them, way more than the average person. 

Read the symptoms of their particular disorder and figure out what they need based on that. Then modify as needed.

Take my personality disorder: Sociopath, obsessive, dependant, : “so, I have little care for the rights, feelings, and safety of others” “i’m controlling”, and throw in a little: “never abandon me”. So what do I need? I need you to stop texting so much.

When I’m in love with you, 3 times a day is just right. I need to sleepover after sex, pretty much every night. And what does perfect look like? You should invite me to do something, everyday. Not sex, but actually something to do. Don’t ask how I am doing. I can tell you right away, I am bored as fuck. Period. Always. It is the state of being for many sociopaths. If you are texting me to ask how my day is, I literally feel rage because I have to take 3 seconds to answer your drivel. Asking me how my day is forces me to be socially correct forcing me to ask about your day. It’s okay to tell me about your day. I may even answer, telling you about mine. But remember I don’t actually care about you or your day. I like that you are engaging with me because I need to know you are interested, still. Best yet, just invite me to do something fun. If you text me everyday to do something interesting…I am your man.

Unfortunately the only disorder here capable of patience is the dependent. The rest have short fuses. Their love needs are complicated, convoluted, and often in direct opposition. The best way to show them love is to get to know each one intently, carefully, and make a list of what they need and how they need it. “The how” seems to be most important. Depending on how their abuse was delivered (under pretense of love? With anger? Guise of protection? Abandonment? Physical, mental, or sexual?) They will be triggered by a multitude of actions on your part. Each of their responses is purely manipulative into getting you back on track to giving them what they want from you, the way they want it. Remember, this episode is about the needs of someone with a personality disorder.

I want to profile my ex boyfriend. Paranoid Scitzoid Narcissist suspicious and distrustful. Why was he paranoid? Because his childhood was filled with harm. His brain literally grew up with betrayal, so this is how he sees the world. What did he need from me? Space. Lots of space. Each time I walked into his apartment, he treated me like a stranger. After three years there was still zero history between us (except that one negative experience he held over my head). The time we spent together never built on itself, into anything.

Each day was a strict routine to minimize his paranoia, anxiety, depression, and sleeping disorder. He takes 4 prescriptions every day plus mass amounts of ibuprofen, caffeine, and nicorette. He needed to know I would never leave him. So he figured out what I wanted in the relationship, then purposely withheld that. So, I would be in a continual state-of-need. His hermit self needed love, but from afar. When I was at his house, he ignored me, wishing I would go away. Yet at night, He needed to be held tight…all night long.

Sex was on his terms. Well, everything was on his terms. He was extremely controlling. Chronic liar. Serial cheater. Yet, when he had a girlfriend he was impotent. I started as his side mistress 7 months before I got my chance to be in a relationship with him. And then, the boner disappeared. The only way to get it back without viagra was to start a fight with him so he thought he was going to lose me. I think it was the only way to get his blood flowing with all the meds he was on.

He exists this way in reaction to legitimate abuses from his past. I’m not with him anymore because he is an asshole. But for 3 years, I did my best to love him on his terms.

If he would even have tried a little, I would still be there. Ultimately it doesn’t matter how much you love someone correctly. If they don’t reciprocate, it’s doomed.

To be clear, we all have traits of these disorders. When it is a symptom then it’s a problem.

What is the take away from this episode? Be “the end” of this cycle of abuse. If you don’t, your kids will pass it on to your grandkids. Stop blaming other people. Look inside yourself. Start owning up to your behaviors, today. Because, we are all a little fucked up.

Answer audience questions and share their stories/ideas: 

Introduce next episode:  

Ask the audience for ideas/stories/questions pertaining to next week’s episode topic: Safety in a Sea of Toxicity. Like a shark testing its victim, so do people with personality disorders test your boundaries to see how you will react. They continue to push and test till they know your breaking point. Then, they hover swaying as needed to keep you from leaving. Some of us choose to stay in toxic relationships. And that is our right. How do we keep our sanity? How do we protect ourselves? What are healthy coping mechanisms?

We want you guys to submit your ideas/stories/and questions pertaining to next week’s topic. You can email us. Or, join our patreon. We want to hear from you. And if you got anything out of today’s episode give us some love, subscribe, and rate us.

Thank you so much everyone for listening. We love you. See you next week on Dating Hypothesis!!!

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