Ep 12: It Was Love, Not A Cult.

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Rachel: “Hitler, Stalin, Charles Manson, my ex, they all just wanted a little love.”

Kayla: Are you talking about the article written by, Robert J. Lifton, Cult Formation?

 Rachel: “Yes, I am, that’s the one.”

Music Intro

Hey everyone, my name is Kayla

And this is Rachel with Dating Hypothesis, thank you so much for joining us today!

Sometimes a relationship can feel like a cult. I dated a guy (let’s call him Dick) he wanted to make sure I would go along with whatever crap he pulled in the relationship. He was so toxic with his ex, told his kids and sisters I was toxic and he point blank said to me “I don’t think you’re Team Dick” when I questioned some of his behaviors. After a few physical abusive altercations with him while he was black-out drunk I told him “I don’t think you’re Team Rachel”. I guess my point is…people like this exist. They want you in their one person cult.

Add “Two Beats”

* Begin conversation

Alright let’s jump into this

How do cults, drugs, religion, spirituality, and near death experiences affect relationships?” Let’s begin with cults and drugs.

Brainwashing is something we don’t have to explain. We know it’s very real and prevalent. We know humans are easily controlled by people who exert power in a confident and abusive way. Our general population is riddled with domestic abuse and child abuse. Anyone who believes they should be obeyed, tend to exploit people’s weaknesses to get the gratification they seek.

I want my next boyfriend to worship me and obey my every whim. Teach me oh wise one.

Brainwashing your partner involves controlling their environment. Start by making them feel powerless. What do you know about prisoners of war and cult followers? Belittle the small things, ease them into feeling like shit. Air your superiority. As they get used to this you can slowly add bits of fear here and there. Test each abusive tactic in the beginning to adjust it to their level of consciousness. If you start out too fast or hard they won’t fall for it. Make sure they are dependent on you. Slowly take away any support system they have. Isolate them from anything that may influence their thinking. In all of this make sure you are including rewards and punishments. The goal is to align their behavior and attitudes with your desires.

So isolate my victim. Break their connections with healthy and supportive people. Teach them a new identity by conditioning them with threatening behavior that goes undetected as such, and give them approval when they get it right?

Yes. If you are charming in the beginning and seem to really care you can hook your victim. Remember, if you ease them into it, intermittingly loving and reassuring them when they get worried or pull away, even the most bizarre behavior seems normal. Have you ever heard about Stockholm Syndrome? It’s when you as the captor manipulate your hostages into believing you’re  looking out for them. Hostages feel protected by the person controlling them.

My ex and I mutually ghosted each other, 10 weeks ago. He is an intensely closeted narcissist and schizoid. After 10 weeks of silence he texted me tonight “Why is Bleep (my best friend) outside your apartment”?

She move in a month ago after you guys broke up. He MUST have come over… close enough to the house to be able to see her. If he did then he left without seeing you, and he texted you instead? Did she see him?

I posted on Facebook six weeks ago that she lived here. But I guess he limits his stalking to real life? Maybe he was going to come in and changed his mind when he saw her?

I have no idea what he wanted. It was a weird stalky text. I was pretty sure he had a new supply. He always has one ready as a back up in any relationship. So I did some digging. Sure enough, four days ago his new supply wrote him a very sweet enduring love card thanking him for being “exactly what she had been looking for and he had opened her heart in ways she never knew was possible”.

Wow, she fell fast and hard.

Yeah, narcissist charm does that. So why was he at my house tonight? What did he want?

What is your gut telling you?

He was not going to tell me about her. He was going to make me think he missed me. He was going to convince me to have sex…aka…make love… to me before…going to her house to bang her…I mean make love to her. He was going to string both of us along for months alternating who was his favorite, he would have us via for his attention. It‘s what he did to me and his last girlfriend.

Good for you, for not letting him manipulate you.

If it looks like a duck. Walks like a duck. You better believe it is a (duck

/You mean “dick”).

I had a situation in my younger years that was kind of cult-ish.

I had a middle school/high school friend who had this way about her, a bunch of us girls followed her blindly, we had this band that we wanted to start and all this shit. -go in depth on songs and glasses and such-

Damn

There are two research experiments in particular that I find interesting. Stanley Milgram’s infamous experiment with obedience at Yale University showed two-thirds of the subjects in his experiment were willing to administer painful electric shocks to complete strangers when ordered to do so by the experimenter.

Another notable experiment was by Solomon Asch, it demonstrated that 75% of participants publicly denied clear evidence, rather than to go against the opposing majority.

Basically, if someone gave you a red card and asked you “what color it was”, you would say “red”.

If you were in a group setting and a researcher asked everyone in the room “what was the color of the card”? And they all said “Dark Pink”, then the researcher asked you; you may be more inclined to say “dark pink” as well, even though the color of the card is clearly red.

Do we think to ourselves “our reality isn’t the same as everyone else’s”? And we don’t want to draw attention to that?.

I’ve gone on 400 Tinder dates. Something Ive noticed is people want you to fit into their preconceived box. If you don’t, they move on. They don’t bother getting to know you or seeing what the new connection between two people could be. They are not interested in casually dating you over 8 weeks to observe who you are or how you act or react to situations. And they show zero curiosity in what the two of us might bring out in each other’s personalities after spending some time with each other. I thought that was what dating was supposed to be? Not just getting to know them but getting to know what we are together. How our chemistry mixes way before we even try to mix body fluids. Like, can we even hold a conversation? The first four dates are putting our best foot forward and hiding our flaws. Shouldn’t we at least go out on those four dates without any preconceived notions and then go out on four more to figure out how we interact together?

in my experience, When anyone first starts dating, they hold back. I think everyone is afraid of what people will think of their true selves. But for the most part it seems like by dates 3-4 you loosen up because you get to the point of knowing if you’re going to want to keep dating or pull back from this person.

I mean the way most of these guys come at me…I’ve never gone on a date with that mentality except when I was raising my son and looking for an immediate husband. When all that was happening, I told them I was not going to date them. If they wanted to court me with the intention of marriage then I would allow that. But if they were looking for someone to date, “I did not do that”!. Now at 45, I am not meeting men who want to marry yet they approach that first date like I need to be in courtship. I meet men with profiles saying “Never married, no kids” like that is something to be proud about. They may as well just write My way or the Highway. Join my cult.

Okay so switching gears;

Rachel, can you explain how prayer is different from cults?

Prayer to me is “daily focus” on something particular. Some people use prayer to shame their family. Some to uplift their family. Some use prayer to bring light and love into their day. Then, there is witchcraft, which is basically just focused intention. It’s the same thing as prayer, really.

Catholics use incense and prayer in their sermons. Witches use incense and focused intention in their craft. I mean you could pray to the donut g*d everyday for pickles and that would be your focus for that 10 minutes that day.

If you do it seriously, the rest of your brain gets more and more interested in the subject and it leaks into the rest of your life, in subtle ways. Even if it’s a joke. The more you pray, the stronger that path of that particular thought and feeling, gets.

Next thing you know, you are creating bigger better jokes around it and everything in life seems to pop up with that theme. Either way, serious or joke, the more you focus on something the more your brain devotes neurons to that intention. We have a 3 foot magnetic field around our body, produced by our heart. Researchers watch humans sync up with each other, which means there is cardioelectromagnetic communication happening, involving communication via energy. It is quite possible we can affect each other in ways science doesn’t know how to prove or even understand yet.

Tell me about prayer and changing your own DNA

There was a study done by Linda Carlson. She wanted to know if intention could affect a person’s own DNA. The subjects were distraught, breast cancer survivors. She  divided them into three groups. One, did 8-weeks of mindful meditation and yoga focusing on recovery and health. Another did 12-weeks of group therapy sharing emotions and getting the social support they needed. Finally she had a control group who did a one-day stress management class.

Okay, so long term care vs one-day follow up.

88 women participated in the study. Carlson found telomeres were maintained in both treatment groups but shortened in controls. A telomere shortens every time a cell copies itself. A telomere is not instructional DNA. Instead the telomere is an end piece like a cap on a bottle of important liquid or the tiny bit of plastic holding the end of a shoe string smooth. Telomeres get shorter every time a cell copies itself and eventually the telomeres can’t do their job protecting the DNA and the cell stops functioning. Telomeres count down the cell’s life like a ticking time bomb. So if mindful meditation stops telomere shortening then mindful intention controls DNA.

That makes it sound like intention can affect us on a cellular level.

I had a boyfriend that would not talk about us, our relationship, what we were, wouldn’t make plans of any kind, wouldn’t tell me about his day or upcoming week. We had to take each day by that particular day. Nothing in the past could be brought up. His personality disorder took center stage and excused all his behaviors …

and that I knew about his anxiety proved I had to follow only his needs, rejecting my own needs. We couldn’t travel. I couldn’t meet his mom. I couldn’t talk after he turned off the lights.

If I wanted to know about his day or talk about anything… he would set up a one-hour meeting with me to talk… two weeks from then, designated for me to ask him anything! He had to do this because it took him two weeks to prepare himself to be asked personal questions like “how his day at work was”.

He had to watch 4-8 hours of tv every night. He wouldn’t meet or hang out with my friends or family.

Yeah! I have known people like that and have friends in that type of relationship. If you can even call that a relationship? I mean that’s so not healthy in my mind by month 3 I knew my husband’s family fairly well and he knew mine. It’s definitely not healthy to be hidden from their friends and family.

He fed his family a continual stream of negative stories about me. This was his daily prayer. This was our cult.

I have a question about this particular situation. You say that everything had to be a particular way with him, but what would happen if you didn’t do things his way? What if you did talk after he turned out the lights?

He broke up with me. We broke up about 43 times in 3 years. I wish I was exaggerating.

Wait, for real? How does that even happen?! Was the sex just that good?

We would be in the middle of dinner and he would say “im done, you need to leave” and he would be dead serious, we had just broken up. So, I would empty my girlfriend’s drawer and leave his house. As far as the lights go…I only spoke to him twice after the lights were turned off. The first time he told me to leave. And I did.

The second time he told me “if I couldn’t silence myself I would have to leave”. The twisted thing was he refused to talk to me during the day. Would not talk on the phone unless we were broken up and we’re making up. He would not set aside any time for conversations with me either pleasant day-to-day conversations, or “serious we need to talk” conversations. And NEVER planned anything in the future with me. Dude was a control freak hiding behind a sensitive fragile anxiety ridden mental disorder.

Purity and the cult of confession. The concept behind purity in a woman is a demand for the separation of good and evil , instead of accepting that human nature is to fulfill your needs and wants.

To demean the desire for sex in women but not men is the sickest twisted genius of some ancient dickwad. The Cult of Confession…”creating shame, for mere thoughts” is a sure fire way to control the weak. Enforcing conformity through guilt allows everyone to get in on the criticism… and encourages self-criticism.

I had an ex that continuously asked “in… insinuating tones” how my week was and what “i did” to fill my time. It felt very similar to a purity and cult of confession technique to control me.

Before we get into drugs and how they are good or bad for relationships…Let’s wrap up cults….how can we use cults to improve our relationships?

Good question…next up, drugs!

(Lol muffled chatter Yeah, Because…Cults??? being good for relationships???…Ha ha, great for relationships…yeah cults…lol)

Addiction is costly. The addicted knows how much their drugs cost, where to get them, and where the money is coming from.

Family is how humans learn to attach, nurture, and to socialize. It’s easy to see the impact of substance abuse on a family and individual family members. Family dynamics, plus each family member, is uniquely affected by the individual abusing substances.

An addict is 3 times more likely to physically or sexually abuse someone

which causes changes in “the abused” like: anger, aggression, misconduct, and behavioral problems.

When your addiction finds you neglecting partners

they internalize depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, and poor peer relations.

Children are at risk of developing a substance addiction themselves when they grow up seeing, feeling, and hearing the environment of addiction. In order to treat addiction the entire family needs to be treated.

Any unit is affected by an individual’s change in behavior. This is “true” if an individual suddenly takes an interest in religion or falls out of a religion. If they have a near death experience. If they start taking street drugs, prescribed meds, or go off medication.

…And well… a family member entering a cult can change family dynamics. Think of family as a set of gears, when one gear changes “they all have to change”. This can work in a “negative way”. If one gear becomes an addict all the gears have to go along with this change. It works in a positive way. If one gear starts saving money for the first time in their life the effect will ripple through the family. This can work if a family member “has sabbage” in their heart. If one gear sabboges attempts to change, all the gears are double affected by the push and pull of that dynamic.

Explain that last one to me

Let’s say I want to quit my crack addiction but you don’t want me to “because we have too much fun when we are on crack”.

Always with the drugs woman…

You might sabotage my efforts to quit. That would frustrate our children who also want me to quit.

If there are only two-gears in the relationship then this would be even more impactful. When you are dating someone “their behavior is your life”.

What they do, say, and how they live… is what you see, feel, and live. Their actions “is what’s happening’… in your life.

So, if they are cheating…then your life revolves around someone cheating on you (even if you are clueless about it).

They are literally half-of-the-equation.

So, every person listening to this episode…if you think your actions, behaviors, and choices are not affecting your partner (especially, if you are sneaking a behavior.)..you really are quite clueless.

We can see, hear, smell, and feel you. Try as you might to make us feel crazy, (the oldest trick in millennia), it doesn’t change the fact that we are not blind, deaf, or dumb.

If you are listening to this podcast today in the midst of a positive transition and wondering if the pain of change is worth it…it is. Your ripple begins with you; the primary domino in the upcoming cascade of changes.

How many of us would be happier if we did recreational drugs a few times a year at a dance club? Raise your hand!

Gateway drugs and do they REALLY lead to hard core drugs?

Here is my personal opinion. If you want a healthy relationship, do DMT, Ketamine, Acid, Mushrooms, or MDMA (molly), once a year with your partner. Or designate one of you as the “babysitter” while the other does a drug. Especially if you can help spirit walk or guide your partner.

I know many people who use drugs in a positive way in their relationships, personally not my thing, other than alcohol but to each their own. Do you have a reason why you personally think it’s a good idea Rachel?

 I did mushrooms with my ex and it was the only positive bonding experience we’ve ever had.

I guess it is okay if one or both of you do Adderall, Ritalin, Marijuana, Vicodin, and Xanax, a couple times a year “as needed” but to do these regularly is so unhealthy for your body and your relationship.

Keep in mind if you have an addictive personality that Maybe drugs aren’t a good idea for you, particularly harder drugs.

Please avoid Bath Salts, Cocaine, Heroin, Meth, OxyContin, and PCP. If you are in a relationship and you think crack really brings you together, you’re doing it wrong.

I would never do hard drugs. So, I do not…and never will believe gateway drugs lead to hard core drugs.

Why?… do I, think gateway drugs can help a relationship? As the years drag on and bog down a relationship, you get stuck in ruts and bored as fuck so, it can be fun to plan a trip.

Oh, I see what you did there. Trip. Lol.

Drop the kids off at grandmas and give yourselves the weekend to do Dmt.

Smoked, it is a 7 minute experience that is truly fun to talk about afterwards. There is a vaporizer called “the mighty”. It is genius and so easy.

No, we do not sponsor “the Mighty”. And it vaporizes all the drugs before you can do it. So I don’t recommend it.

I just know a “friend-of-a-friend” that has one and they say “it is the only way to go”. She did DMT using a crack pipe and it was unproductive, painful, and a waste of good drugs.

A friend of a friend?

I mean, hypothetically, If I did own a mighty, I certainly would not recommend it nor tell anyone to do drugs. Drugs are bad and you will end up on “the streets”, homeless if you even do just “one”.

Your freezer and top drawer has half a dozen types of drugs.

But my friend’s-friend says “the mighty” works amazing for DMT.

DMT will transport you within seconds of your third hit. Make sure you inhale as much as you can three times, all three back-to-back holding them as long as you can. The most difficult part is staying lucid for the third hit.

If you are unsuccessful you will be transported to the “waiting room” a fun geometric universe with colorful moving objects.

However, If you are successful you will break through and encounter beings. Either way the entire trip lasts 7 minutes and you feel fine by minute 10. No drained feeling or tiredness.

It’s not like acid where there is a recovery time or ego death

Random users report similar themes in their trips as if they are all being transported to the same places. Recurring themes are circuses, elves, aliens, and advanced technology. I was in the waiting room with two beings and a tentacle tried to grab me and guide me to where I was supposed to go… but, I never got there. I did see technological beings in a chamber.

I want to know if these worlds are real or hallucinations? Can DMT chemically manipulate the brain to receive information from an alternate dimension?

I already spoke about ketamine in a previous episode so we will skip that one today.

Acid can go either way. I’ve done it twice. Once in the city, it was a nightmare trip. Once in the desert on acres of open land and it was transformative. I was exhausted for 24 hours afterwards.

Molly is perfect for a hotel room and a fun night of cuddling and finding the depths of each other’s souls. Men please don’t ruin it by making it about your penis. Nothing ruins a good roll more than a man shoving his penis into a sacred space.

Mushrooms are a fairy trip. Go find the fairies together in the forest. Don’t do it indoors or in a city. Go away out into the country and rent a house on an acre and play with the trees and puddles on the land.

I do not recommend drugs for relationships. Even the sex is worse on them.

I hate sex-on-drugs as well. So, we are in the same boat.

You mean your friend’s friend is in the same boat as my friends?

Yes.

As long as you keep this recreation light, fun-and-rare, it can bring pep into your relationship. When you abuse and overuse drugs you spoil it for everyone. Don’t be that guy.

And if you take drugs just so you can fuck a girl…you are ruining a good trip or high so, go masterbate in a banana peel and leave us alone.

Our next drug classification is hard core drugs. The only time I want to do a hard core drug is on my deathbed. I want to die on Heroin. Rachel, make sure that happens. Thanks.

Up next, how to use Hard core drugs to improve or ruin your relationship.

And that wraps up “hard core drugs” …improving your relationships.

But, what, ah, I see, lol, yup,

let’s get into prescription medications. How many of us are doped up on anti this or anti that when we… really are just lonely, sad, bored… don’t want to go-out by ourselves, or hate pretending it is “fun to make friends as an adult”?

We go from “a playground” where it is required to play with other kids to “adult life” separated by individual apartments or homes, busy lives with too many hours at work, and not enough time to bond with other adults unless you put significant effort into it. Yeah, meds seem like a good idea. Instead of fixing your life…dull your senses.

Prescription medication:  

If you are not mentally stable it is okay to look into therapy and meds to get yourself under control. But make sure you are the one that is unstable. If it is actually your partner who is unstable and making you feel crazy, slip them the meds.

Rachel!

Kidding, geez. If your partner is the one unstable making you feel crazy enough to go on meds, evaluate the necessity of the relationship.

Rachel!

Fine! If your partner is the unstable one , look into therapy and medications together.

If you take prescribed medications already and they make you groggy in the mornings don’t… “take that out on your partner”. Engage with your partner despite feeling groggy. If you value your relationship …then, you will take the effort to be loveable. Even on my worst days of my anxiety meds, I try to be kind to the ones I love or at least let them know WHY I am feeling groggy and apologizing for poor behavior

Because if you don’t, doesn’t that mean you are unloveable? Forcing an “unmedicated partner”  to only love you on-your-terms (and the timing around your medication) is not fair.

Do better.

You are taking medication to be a better person, so be the-better-person. Don’t use your medication as an excuse to be a dick. I don’t think that’s why your doctor prescribed them.

– We have to ask our listeners…what do you think about these topics? {Do you feel that drugs have a positive or negative effect on relationships? Have you ever had a cult like experience or relationship?} Write in to us on facebook, twitter, or Instagram.

– Let’s take a quick Commercial break, we will be right back. (wait 3 seconds) And we are back.

COMMERCIAL SPOT (30:38)

Add “Two Beats”

** Resume Conversation: religion, spirituality, and near death experiences, how do these affect relationships?

The human brain has designated neurobiological areas for spirituality which can be turned up-or-down like a volume dial, using Transcranial magnetic stimulation.

These areas of the brain allow for a litany of spiritual possibilities.

Prayer, meditation, mediumistic trance states, speaking in tongues, drug induced experiences, Mystical experiences, salvation, pilgrimage, Hajj, New age spirituality, fasting, holidays, holy days, chanting, spirit walks, fire walking, Observing the sabbath, shamanic drumming, glossolalia, spirit encounters, and rapture.

Biological measures differ when a practitioner engages alone, in groups, or silently. Biological measures differ when a practitioner engages in the many ways you are able to be “vocally spiritual”.

Brain imaging results are directly related to “which part of the brain is being utilized” during a spiritual practice.

Spiritual practitioners describe religious or spiritual experiences, emotionally.

Control groups describe religious or spiritual experiences cognitively and behaviorally.

Spiritual practitioners identify moments in time as spiritual or non spiritual.

Control groups can identify the potential for spiritual possibility.

Within groups of practitioners the brain imaging results and the depth of a person’s experience varies in-line with the commitment level. Research has demonstrated the hyper activation or electrical stimulation of the amygdala-hippocampus-temporal lobe can cause some individuals to report out of body experiences.

Yes, science can induce a multitude of spiritual experiences in test subjects. Which means the brain is wired for spiritual experiences.

The more you practice spirituality the stronger those neuron connections will be, the stronger these states of mind show up on an fMRI, …the more spiritual you will be. Use it or lose it.

Why won’t g*d go away? Do we, the congregation, need the serenity? Or does the priest need the power and control factor? Are humans so “wiley and bad” they need to be controlled by any measure, including made up fairytales? I’ve been utop-a-mountain filled with awe. I don’t want “that ability” to feel awe to ever go away. I like that feeling. I love the feeling of praying in a room full of people. It is powerfully peaceful. Holding my husband’s hand in church feels so good. A feeling undupli-catable.

20% of the population does not identify as religious

Christianity makes up (31%) of the religious population

Islam (24%)

No religion (16%)

Hinduism (15%)

Buddhism (7%)

Folk religions (6%)

Sikhism (0.29%)

Judaism (0.2%)

The Gallup poll… polled 7 hundred thousand people. Mormons and Jews tied first place for happiest family dynamic in the major religions

“Mormonism has a large emphasis on Family, being home, family prayer,

family meals, and family rituals. A review of 32 publications suggest

family rituals and routines are associated with childhood health, academic

achievement, and marital improvement.

The Jewish family dynamic tends to enhance their offspring’s social, economic, and intellectual achievements.

So, it would seem like religion… really is “the best thing for relationships”?

How can Mormons be so happy yet have such high rates of antidepressant use? Is it the religion making them happy or the medication? Why is molestation so prevalent in the mormon and christian church? I prefer judaism, it’s a lot less rapey.

Science and religion agree on the matters of health. What you hear in the doctor’s office is not that different from what congregants hear in church about the body being a temple,

engage in periodic fasting, avoid bad drinks like caffeine/alcohol/soda, avoid smoking, avoid pork,

So religion can be good for the soul, community, and your relationship. But it depends on how you use it. Like a rifle…you can use it for good and bring dinner home or you can use it for bad and take out an elementary school.

Rachel, you are very spiritual, and have been to many churches. We both find religion fascinating. For many religions they use their holy book as a rule of life, for others a guideline.

It’s easier for me to talk about the negative aspects of religion. Humans have turned such an amazing thing into a gross, power hungry, greedy entity. Especially since if used correctly it can make relationships, families, and communities stronger.

I wish I could erase religions and replace them with something that can’t be perverted. Humans are so wiley. If they can harness it for their own entitled reasons, they will. A few ruin it for the rest of us.

Are you saying you would like religious people to stop molesting their congra gants?

Ye ah, that would be a good start. I’ve died before. Spirituality is an amazing thing to feel. Religions are doing it wrong.

But data-gathering-and-research continually indicates that religious commitment and religious practice …are vital for a happy married life.

Take this study: The Relationship of Religiosity and Marital Satisfaction: The Role of Religious Commitment and Practices on Marital Satisfaction Among Pakistani Respondents by Jaffar Aman.

Like most other religious impact studies, this one also confirmed how important religion is to a relationship. I can find a study declaring this for each religion out there.

I love listening to you tote religion. The research is out there. Only 20% of the world population is not spiritually affiliated. China, sweden, czech, Australia, Germany. Are the least religious. And here in the U.S. Oregon and Washington are the least. Americans tend to think religion is this old outdated thing. But 80% of the world population identifies as religious.

Religious and spiritual experiences can be brought on by seizures, tumors, transcranial magnetic stimulation, drugs, near death experiences, or climbing a mountain. Maybe it’s all just a lack of oxygen?

It is a “use it or lose it” capability. The more you engage with spirituality the more spiritual a person becomes. Just like the donut g*d scenario I outlined.

I’ve looked into the research on near death experiences. People that were lucky enough to have been resuscitated tend to feel an interconnectedness to all life on this planet. Is that true for you?

Yes, it is. And thank you for pointing out that a near death experience requires someone to be resuscitated. If you were in a car accident and thought you were going to die or were riding a bike and almost got hit…you did not have a near death experience in the respect we are using this terminology today. You had a fright for sure. It was probably intense. But no one thought you were dead, including you.

We are all going to die. Each and everyone of us. There is no way out of that.  We forget that:… “during our day-to-day living.” Rachel…you died. And you are going to die again.

Yeah, I died. And I am definitely going to die again.

I love this quote from Marika Rosenthal Delan, who’s husband had a near death experience. She says: “When your husband, an agnostic/atheist Jew from New Jersey tells you he saw Jesus and starts talking to your dead grandmother, it will make you question everything you have ever held to be true. Now, every watch we buy him… stops; he knows things, he sees things.

Apparently it isn’t uncommon for things like this to happen to those who have had a near-death experience. Our lives have been a series of odd things for which I have no explanation for. When I get too caught up in that, I go back and find comfort in my list. I go back again and start at number one and remind myself that what I’m seeking never shows up in the way I think it will.”

Data gathered by researchers from survivors of near death experiences shows survivors undergo profound psychological transcen dental and mystical emotional changes. It can be strange for a partner to watch their loved one switch personalities.

To become peaceful, joyful, and declare cosmic unity. It can be difficult for the survivor to have to explain the paranormal experiences of a near death experience. In death their senses were vivid despite not having senses and not being in a body, it can be embarrassing to have to describe extrasensory perception, precognitive visions, otherworldly encounters, the border we all encounter and the choice if given to cross it or flat out being denied to cross it.

Survivor’s stories are usually not accepted by doctors, nurses, family, friends, or partners. If they disclose what they went through they are often ridiculed or their stories dismissed. It can be a harsh environment to return to, especially returning from such a loving embrace of light.

There are a few reported negative “near death experiences” where the survivor experienced mostly fear, anger, isolation, and/or guilt. Researchers agree these experiences permanently change survivors attitudes, beliefs, and values. In today’s society it is common for a divorce to occur because of money issues. The same can be said about relationships involving a partner’s near death experience if the survivor no longer shares the same materialistic, religious, or life mission values with their partner. Another side effect is new views on death. Survivors do not fear death. This trend in survivors causes profound changes in the way they live after resuscitation. Their energy levels increase and so does their enthusiasm for life. They find themselves understanding other people’s perspectives better, expressing love more, and wanting to help others.

Can I die? I mean come back from death. It sounds like life is way better.

They may shun traditional religious dogmas suddenly while experiencing a spiritual awakening. Before experiencing a near death experience, 46% of survivors had no religious affiliation. After a near death experience this number increased to 84%. Ten survivors were engaged in spirituality before their near death experience, whereas, 44 were engaged afterwards. Organized religion no longer appealed to many of the survivors.

How does all this hold up to your near death experience?

It’s not like the researchers had a huge pool of subjects to gather data from. It is comforting to me that most of the survivors had experiences so similar to mine. I wrote out my experience on the website nderf.org February 12, 2015. The site has thousands of accounts of near death experiences. Reading through so many made me feel less crazy and helped me feel like there were others who knew what I went through.

Do you think you are capable of having a healthier relationship because of your near death experience?

If my near death experience was all that happened to me as a child I would give a resounding “yes”. Unfortunately there were so many other things that happened to me as a child I don’t think the near death experience was able to counter all that bad to make me a healthy individual.

But Rachel, I know the reason you don’t kill yourself. It’s only because of your near death experience.

You know what it’s like on the other-side-of-death. So, you stuck through. I and the rest of the people listening, have never gone through anything remotely close to that, so we’ll never truly understand the repercussions of wanting to kill ourselves. You, on the other hand, have an understanding of life and death that most of us cant even grasp. You understand that YOU have to be here and live this miserable life to its fullest even if you, yourself hate being here.

My answer is “yes”. I am blessed to have had the experience. There is a good chance I would be a homeless alcoholic crack whore trapped in my own hell if I hadn’t. Maybe it countered more than I give it credit?

– I want to ask our listeners what they think about these topics. {} Tell us your stories. We have Tic Tok and Youtube.

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Keeping your relationship safe is important.

But “is it okay” to do that, at any cost?

Focus, devotion, and love is needed. How do you know when you are giving “too little” or too much?

If your partner is spiritual and you refuse to acknowledge that…you are giving too little and that is called neglect.

If you engage in a conversation about it a few times a year “to take their g*d temperature” then we give you: two thumbs up.

If you force it down their throats, make it culty, or orthedoxish, then you are being abusive.

If your partner dies and gets resuscitated ie…has a near death experience you may want to get divorced if your marriage had been based on material possessions or financial gain.

I can’t offer any advice here. Most people tend to be peace loving hippies after bathing in the light.

Keep your relationships healthy when it comes to drugs.

And this will depend entirely on the drug.

If you take prescribed medications make sure you take them on time. If they affect your ability to engage with your partner, make the extra effort to be present so they don’t get fed up and leave your neglectful ass.

Meds are not an excuse to neglect people or be a disengaged bad partner.

Neither are recreational drugs. If you need to be stoned all the time save humanity the headache and only date other stoners. Don’t trick people into a relationship and ease them into accepting your stupor.

 If you are a strict tight ass, relax a little. It is okay if your partner wants to have one drink on her birthday or smoke a toke once a year on New Year’s Eve to reflect on the past year and see what needs to be accounted for to move forward into the new year.

And if you are being told by multiple people you may want to look into some current medication to help with your demeanor…maybe look into therapy and meds to get yourself under control.

Cults. What can we say about them?  How can we use them to keep your relationship stable?

Uuoo, you got me there. I don’t know. Maybe…don’t get into… or form a cult? And don’t cultify yourself by making your partner worship you.

Keeping your healthy relationship safe is important.

Our culture is seeped with toxic habits like “boyfriend bashing”.

We get tired of hearing about how perfect someone’s relationship is. They get the honeymoon grace period then we want the juicy details about what an ass their partner is.

Keeping your relationship safe…”when it is easier, more fun, and socially acceptable to bash your partner”, is no easy task.

We all go crazy when we bottle up little frustrations. It feels good to get it out.

But airing your whoa’s is unhealthy for your relationship if it becomes a habit.

Everytime you bitch needlessly about the person you love, you strengthen those neuro pathways. I dare say it even becomes an addiction.

Girlfriends sitting around one upping each other’s love stories only lasts the first few months of a new relationship. But, it is important to keep that mentality and encourage others to do the same.

I know Laura Schlessinger is a homophobe and I shouldn’t use her work as an example…but, I love her books. I love her advice. Setting aside the stuff I don’t agree with…she has an abundant store of good advice.

Daniel Amens also wrote a great book “The Brain in Love”. He does a fantastic job pointing out the realities of the brain in love.

You may live longer if you adopt a non-judgmental lifestyle and ignore past grudges. Telomeres are stretches of DNA that cap our chromosomes and help prevent chromosomal deterioration. Telomeres whither with age and are shorter in people with cancer, diabetes, heart disease and high stress levels.

Health, happiness, and positivity preserve telomere length. So, do moderate amounts of spirituality and drugs to maintain your happiness, health, and relationships.

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I would like to introduce next week’s episode. Episode twelve has many trigger warnings. I suggest avoiding it if you have issues listening to topics like child molestation, pedophelia, and incest. Is pedophile DNA passed down? Is it caused by nurture or nature? How does that destroy relationships? Has it ever helped a relationship? Why does it exist? What about fantasies or role play? Child marriage exists in a few cultures/countries even today. Please realize it is a trigger episode. I ask that you avoid listening to episode twelve, if you are sensitive to these topics.

We want you guys to submit your ideas/stories/and questions pertaining to next week’s topic. You can email us. Or, join our patreon. We want to hear from you. And if you got anything out of today’s episode help spread the love, subscribe and rate us.

Thank you so much everyone for listening. We love you. See you next week on Dating Hypothesis!!!

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